Whoever wrote the Couch to 5K training app and thought twenty minutes of alternating sixty seconds of running and ninety seconds of walking would be a good idea for a couch potato’s first workout is indisputably a fucking sadist.
The dumbass couch potato who decided to do it at the edge of dark on a well-sloped yard in rainy, forty degree weather may have displayed somewhat masochistic tendencies by doing so, too. Or maybe he’s just an Olympic level idiot.
Yes, boys and girls, Grumpy has lost his mind. After hitting a hundred pounds above the weight he was while on active duty in the United States Air Force, he decided to grab the bull by the balls with one hand and shove a cattle prod up his ass with the other.
Translation: I entered a 5K scheduled for mid-March, and today was the first workout in preparation for it. I knew if I allowed the weather to be an excuse not to do the first workout, I would never do a single one. That isn’t an option.
I hit morbid obesity almost twenty pounds ago. It is, quite literally, do or die time for me. I choose do.