Whoever wrote the Couch to 5K training app and thought twenty minutes of alternating sixty seconds of running and ninety seconds of walking would be a good idea for a couch potato’s first workout is indisputably a fucking sadist. 

The dumbass couch potato who decided to do it at the edge of dark on a well-sloped yard in rainy, forty degree weather may have displayed somewhat masochistic tendencies by doing so, too. Or maybe he’s just an Olympic level idiot. 

 Yes, boys and girls, Grumpy has lost his mind. After hitting a hundred pounds above the weight he was while on active duty in the United States Air Force, he decided to grab the bull by the balls with one hand and shove a cattle prod up his ass with the other. 

Translation: I entered a 5K scheduled for mid-March, and today was the first workout in preparation for it. I knew if I allowed the weather to be an excuse not to do the first workout, I would never do a single one. That isn’t an option. 

I hit morbid obesity almost twenty pounds ago. It is, quite literally, do or die time for me. I choose do. 

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11 Responses to Sadist

  1. nancykrainz says:

    It can only get easier—–right???
    I’m proud of you!! KEEP GOING!!!

  2. bbuddha says:

    Yay you πŸ™‚ You can do anything you set your mind to. Now let me throw in some unasked for advice. eat healthy fat, protein and veggies. reduce bread to a bare minimum (yeah, I know bread is lovely -but fattening)

    • alaskan454 says:


      Thank you. Advice is always welcome, even if not specifically requested.

      For the first five weeks, I don’t plan to change my diet at all. One system shock at a time. After my body has acclimated to the new abuse regimen, I’ll adjust my food intake.

      Bread is going to be a challenge. My current idea for once I do start monitoring my food intake, I plan to eat however many eggs the chickens laid the day before, along with a package of precooked bacon and two slices of buttered whole wheat toast. Not margarine, butter. That shit is poison. My midnight meal will be a small bowl of bran flakes. The at-work meal will vary, but will probably be a frozen “dinner” or something similarly unremarkable.

      That should cover the protein and fat. Way too much bread, I know, but maybe I can live with one piece of toast with breakfast. Veggies? That ain’t food, that’s what food eats. πŸ˜›

    • Jin Chiang says:

      You can try substituting with a low-carbohydrate bread.


  3. bbuddha says:

    “Veggies? that aint food that’s what food eats” I’ve heard that before
    And you’re right, margarine is poison. Butter is a healthy fat. All that crap about animal fats being bad for you, from the same people that brought us globull warming. We are omnivores and designed to process meat and fat.. eggs from your own hens, that is cool.. Sounds like you are getting plenty of protein, you’ll need it. πŸ™‚

  4. nancykrainz says:

    Carbs are the most important dietary component for runners. Do not attempt a low carb diet. You just need to eat a healthy, well rounded diet in moderation. That will not only serve you well in your running endeavor but will also promote weight loss.

  5. lpcard says:

    Sorry for the auto starting video, but…

    Yeah…carbs are crap. Too bad they taste so good.

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