I’ve hated banks for as long as I can remember. Lots of the stupid shit they do is required by overreaching government regulations, so I excuse those things. Unfortunately, they keep finding ways to piss me off that can’t be blamed on .gov.
I have yet to find a bank that hadn’t managed to annoy me. Each of the following is the reason(s) for a different bank, explaining why I’ve closed (or am closing) deposit accounts in the last year alone:
- Placing a ten day hold on a $6,000.00 check deposit made from another of my personal accounts. The account to which the deposit was made had been open for over a decade with zero overdrafts and in fact had an average balance of over $10K during the preceding year, and had several times that amount in the account at the time of the deposit. Two days would’ve been reasonable. Even five wouldn’t have caused me to pull my business. But ten days? Nope. Bye! (Bank of America)
- Their credit card side offered a promotional balance transfer deal but decided not to include the fee in with the promotion, meaning that I had to pay the prevailing interest rate on that amount for two months until I was able to pay enough to make it go away. Yes, it was disclosed, but I’ve done dozens of these deals in the past. No other bank pulled that. Bye! (Fifth Third Bank)
- Their credit card side did funky shit applying payments and calculating interest. Most credit card companies will exempt new balances from interest charges as long as they are paid off by the statement closing date. Not these assholes. They require that it be paid off by the payment due date, which is a week earlier. Nope, fuck you. No more business from me. (Chase)
- Two minor issues that combined to be too much. First was the incoming ACH transfer limit of $100 total per week. If outgoing, I might understand, but incoming? Weird. Then their bill pay service only gave the option of selecting the date to initiate the payment. The payee might get it the next day, or it might be a week later. And even for the same payee it wasn’t always the same amount of time. Everyone else lets you pick the payment date. You know, the day the payment will be delivered. I’m not going to pay everyone a week early just because the bank can’t figure out when they might deliver the money. ¡Adiós! (First Horizon Bank)
- These assholes have a reasonable funds availability policy, like everyone. But they said that I needed to stop spending money that I deposited in the account as soon as it posted. They claimed I was spending it before they could collect it. I told them that their policy said it was available so I was damn well going to spend it if I wanted to. They closed the account. No great loss. (Wachovia/Wells Fargo)
- I use a VPN service for most of my internet traffic. These pricks won’t even load the website or open the app when my VPN is active. Other banks either don’t give a shit, or require secondary security protocols, but don’t completely block access. When I contacted them about this, they kept bouncing me from one person to another, none of whom actually read enough of my complaint to even know what I was unhappy about. Fine, fuck your incompetence. (BBVA Compass)
- Guns banned in local branches. (First Citizens Bank, Fidelity Bank)
- The credit card side delayed processing of a convenience check that I deposited until after the associated promotion had expired, causing me to incur additional fees and interest. Credit card side stupid = I close my deposit account. (USAA Bank)
I just opened an account with Navy Federal Credit Union. The account opening process wasn’t encouraging. I couldn’t use my normal username, because they forbid use of any part of one’s email address, first or last name. Okay, I have one backup that I can use that I will remember.
Then the password requirements. Sweet Shivering Shiva! Must contain at least one
- Uppercase letter
- Lowercase letter
- Special character (but only certain ones – # * ^ and a host of others are verboten, and my password manager kept selecting at least one of the forbidden ones when generating a password.)
But it couldn’t contain any part of my
- First or last name
- Email address
- Offensive words or phrases
That meant that after it kicked ten generated passwords, I got frustrated and started using passwords that included profanity. It kicked those, too. Finally, I made it happy and got through the process. I’ll forgive that bit of stupidity as long as they do everything else right. I give them 90 days before they have me bank shopping again.