Big Fucking Mistake

FaucetCompany has a “Wellness Committee”.  Said Wellness Committee came up with a really bright idea.  They are sponsoring a weight loss challenge.  Ten FRNs to enter, and the individual who loses the largest percentage of their starting weight at the end of three months wins the pot.  The mistake was announcing it a week before the starting weigh-in.

I am blessed with the remarkable ability to gain or lose weight almost at will.  I’m obese only because I really like to eat and I’m lazy as hell.  In 2006, I participated in a similar contest that ran for two months.  I won.  I didn’t win big, but I did win.

I’ve thought about cheating to ensure my success, since I am now over 40, and my metabolism has probably started to slow somewhat.  You know – wear a cup with a couple pounds of lead shot taped inside.  Wear boxers that will conceal an inside-the-pants money belt with a couple more pounds of lead shot in the pocket.

But, I do have some semblance of integrity, believe it or not.  So, the most I will do is eat/drink as much as I can hold moments before the weigh-in.  That’s not cheating.  Neither is the near-binge eating I’ve been doing since learning about the contest on Monday.  That has added almost ten pounds to the reading on the scale.  The majority of which will drop off in about two days with the help of a little fiber.

If I can get the weight loss ticker to work, I will be adding that on my sidebar shortly.  If not, I’ll update with posts at least weekly.  Expect me to be grumpier than usual for the next three months.  I’m an asshole on a good day.  Take away my food, and things get really ugly.

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5 Responses to Big Fucking Mistake

  1. I envy you so much right now. I work my ass off and barely shed a pound. It is both depressing and infuriating.

    • alaskan454 says:

      Sorry! 😦 It’s generally harder for women. I know that I’m blessed. I hit plateaus along the way, but I can shed down to 180-185 pretty quickly/easily. Beyond that, I have to work my ass off for every pound – so I do know your pain. I can just make a lot of progress before I start suffering it.

      My goal is 160 – my max per the USAF from the mid-90’s when I got out. No way I’ll make it there in three months, especially with the intentional gaining this week. I don’t really expect to win the contest. Maybe if it was only two months, but not three. I’m going to do my best, though.

      • I just have a hard time staying motivated. It’s hard to remind yourself that eventually there will be results when it’s been MONTHS of still working hard and nothing changing.

        I wish you luck with it though and maybe you will win the contest, you never know!

  2. GarandGal says:

    Are you planning to use any diet in particular?

    • alaskan454 says:

      Nope. I’ve tried several over the years, and I’ve found that for me, what works best is math:

      Eat less and use as many calories as possible. When I go on one of my weight-loss efforts, I usually stay at or slightly under 1,000 calories per day, and try to get at least an hour of cardio every day.

      Hell, when I worked at BigBoxRetailer, I didn’t even change my eating habits and I lost a shitload of weight. My job now is physical, but less so than BBR, hence the weight gain.

      Considering that I probably average something along the lines of 3,000+ calories per day now, cutting that by 2/3 and intentionally burning an extra 500 or so calories tends to yield pretty dramatic results.

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