…not entirely unpleasant.
A few weeks ago I got a check for $5.00 in the mail in exchange for agreeing to receive information about “senior programs” or some such. I figured they’d send me an envelope full of brochures that I would immediately throw in the recycle bin. I then promptly forgot about it. Until tonight.
We live out in the county. The road in front of the house gets a fair amount of traffic, but the population density is low – average lot size is two to five acres. As a result, we never got many unsolicited visitors before the beer virus freakout happened. Since then, we’d only gotten one. It was over a month ago. I didn’t recognize the guy, so I answered the door in my underwear. No shirt, just drawers. I’d have done it naked, but Wife forbade it. She alternated between giggling and shaking her head as we carried on a conversation.
Dude had seen me working on my tractor and wanted to know if I would be willing to rent some of my tractor implements. I have to give him credit. He took his time telling me what he wanted and even gave me his phone number despite the fact that he was talking to a nearly naked and morbidly obese fifth-year old man. I indicated my amenability to such an arrangement, and told him to call me when he was ready. He hasn’t called, but that’s beside the point.
Earlier this evening was visitor number two in response to this check. Chick showed up with a notebook and a sales presentation. She was a thick-bodied blonde with a very pleasant face who looked to be in her late thirties. Being completely honest, I found her gorgeous. I invited her to sit on the back deck and say what she came to say. I figured I could run her off in less than fifteen minutes. She turned out to be forty-five with a nice personality, a great sense of humor, and seemed to have her fair share of brains despite the blonde hair.
She hung out for an hour, trying to sell me life insurance (mostly) and we talked about the state of the world, the economy, the money-printing rampage currently in progress, farming, both of our past marriages, her kids, my lack of kids, and even religion. All that was after I had assured her that I had no need or want for anything that she was selling and she stopped trying. Obviously she’s a good salesperson, because she was able to make grumpy old me comfortable. No way she actually enjoyed talking to me. But hey, I’ll take it. I’m invisible to attractive women, and a tongue-tied idiot in the rare moments when they do notice me. When one wants to spend an hour talking to me (without charging by the hour) I won’t complain.
I hate people. I hate talking to people even more. My own brother yapped so much this past Sunday at our family reunion that I had to get away from him. And he was talking about shit that I’m interested in. Tonight, though, I truly enjoyed the conversation, and I was sorry to see her go.