Rant About Fish

Alternate title: Bitter Much?

I’ve spent a little bit of time on Plenty Of Fish during the last few weeks. Some observations:

It goes without saying that one’s children are very important to any good parent. And if you’re a shitty parent, you’ll probably be a shitty partner, and I don’t want anything to do with you. But to forcefully declare that your kids/grandkids are your world (or some equally powerful metaphor) and always will be, leaves potential suitors wondering how they can fit into your life.

Specifically, we have to decide if the most we can ever hope to be to you is worth the effort and emotional risk to get to know you. Sure, it takes time to earn that place of honor. But personally, if I can’t hope to eventually be damn near as important to you as your offspring, you’re not worth my time. Find someone else to be your bitch, or enjoy your life as a single parent. You will value me, or you won’t have me.

I may not have much to offer, but everything I have, I give. I’m tired of giving my all and getting nothing but leftovers. You know, whatever she has left to give after everyone else has already gotten their piece of her.

Does everyone own a damn dog? If allowed inside, they will stink up the fucking house, get hair everywhere, and generally fuck shit up. And too many doggie “parents” pay more attention to their canine “children” than to their partners or biological kids. Dogs are great. In their place. But if I have a problem playing second fiddle to your crotch fruit, you can rest assured that I will NOT accept a place below your fucking dog, I don’t give a shit how much you love it. Marry your damn mutt if it’s that fucking special to you.

It’s poor form to complain about a very low ratio of messages to profile views when you can’t be bothered to answer the messages that you do get.

Women don’t initiate communication on online dating sites. I knew this was the case, but I recently learned that it’s like, a rule, or something. One bitch seems to think that it is a badge of honor, bragging about how she’s never started a conversation. Gee, I wonder why you’re still alone and looking waiting.

Supposedly, nobody reads profiles. At least not the “about me” part. That confuses me. It’s the best part. I mean, pictures and the answers to some basic questions are a start, but reading her own words is the best insight available into a person’s personality and character that you can get online. One lady complained that some people write way too much, and others write nothing, and therefore she doesn’t usually bother to read any of them. Really?

To the proud Tea Party/Rand Paul supporter from a town so well known for its liberal leanings that locals call it the Containment Area for Relocated Yankees: You’re tall, athletic, and beautiful. As much as I wish otherwise, I’m not your match. I freely acknowledged this in my brief message to you. However, we have very similar political beliefs, especially when compared to liberals and self-proclaimed conservatives who wouldn’t know a real conservative idea if one bit them on the ass. Given the rarity of such beliefs, I figured you’d at least take a couple seconds to write back. I mean, you clicked on my profile. What’s another ten seconds to acknowledge the greeting from a kindred spirit, even if you’re not interested in him romantically?

Сука!

Who the fuck came up with the bright idea to include sapiophile as a choice under personality type? Maybe one person out of a thousand knows what the word means without looking it up. And if people are too fucking lazy to read a profile, they damn sure won’t bother looking up an unfamiliar word. And to those who choose it, if you had to look it up, it doesn’t fit you. Quit wasting your time trying to sound smart.

Don’t try to bullshit me into believing that you’re educated when, in the sentence immediately preceding said declaration, you used “quite” when you meant to use “quiet” and you couldn’t be bothered to proofread. Grammar, spelling, and proper word usage is important. Your profile is your first impression. Failure to take the time to make sure it’s right is a clear indication of how serious you are.

What the hell do people mean by “free thinker”? I generally equate it with hippie or liberal and keep moving.

It’s kind of pointless to tell me that you like my profile, then chastise me for waiting until the last line to mention that I’m not usually attracted to non-Caucasian women. Especially if you then ignore me when I explain that such isn’t always the case and express an interest in you.

Am I really so old that a significant percentage of those within a few years of my age are grandmothers? Gah!

I guess deleting your profile if you are no longer active is asking too much.

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