Good Deed

A couple weeks ago, I was bored and curious about what is currently on the market. I knew it was too soon to even think about reentry into the dating scene, and I wasn’t really seriously considering anything.

Match dot come left a really sour taste in my mouth a couple years ago, so I went to the fish site to do my research. Problem was, you have to sign up to search. And signing up requires the creation of a profile. Instead of filling it with gibberish, I copied my old match profile.

Everybody knows that men greatly outnumber women on dating sites. And almost without fail, women are too busy combing through massive numbers of received emails (mostly crap) to actively search, much less initiate a conversation. So, I figured I was safe.

Just to be that much more certain that nobody would write to me, I prefaced my profile with the following, which I figured would scare off even the most determined:

First of all, some honesty. I’m freshly (two months) out of a short but very intense relationship, and the pain is still very real. She got married less than three weeks after she dumped me, so that door is completely closed.

Ultimately, I want a long term relationship, but I am not ready for that sort of commitment right now. I’m hoping to spend some time with someone, get to know them, and maybe when my wounds have healed and the scars have started to fade, I can let the walls down. But to be clear, I’m not looking for a casual sex partner. As much as I enjoy sex, that requires an emotional connection that I am incapable of making right now.

Then, I ran a search. It was immediately obvious to me why a vast majority of those women are alone. People are really fucked up. A few profiles seemed normal, though. There were a couple that I almost sent messages to, but I resisted the temptation.

The site tells you who has viewed your profile. This feature seemed inconsequential initially. But the very next morning, I got a, “Hi, there” message from the most genuine sounding profile that I’d read the night before.

She’s age appropriate at two years younger than me. She seems honest and sincere. She’s kind, sweet, strong, determined, and positive. She has two kids, 12 and 19, both of whom live with their father. She lives about forty minutes away.

She’s also disabled. A few years ago she discovered that she has a chromosomal abnormality that has caused some spinal cord atrophy.  It  manifest with symptoms similar to MS. But unlike MS, it’s not really treatable beyond symptom management. Her worst issues are balance and equilibrium problems and lower body weakness.

To make a long story slightly less long, I participated in the online conversation, and we seemed to hit it off. We met in person for breakfast on 02 April. Afterwards, since we were already out, I took her shopping so she wouldn’t have to bother one of her friends.

After seeing it up close, I realized that her disability is more than I feel like I could deal with long term.  In addition, although her mind is supposedly unaffected by the SCA, she was oblivious to others while shopping, almost running over three people with the motorized shopping cart.  I found it very embarrassing.

We continued to talk during the days following our “date”.  I kept wondering how to tell her that I wasn’t interested in the gentlest way possible. That was the weekend that I saw B at Lowe’s. I shared the experience and my reaction with her in the hopes that she would call it off, not wanting to be a rebound relationship.

It worked.  She’d missed the freshness of my breakup in my profile when she initially read it, but it came up in conversation following my sighting of B. We mutually agreed that I’m not ready to see anyone new yet, even casually.

Even so, I went out to her house yesterday and installed some leftover lattice from an old project of mine on the very basic ramp that a local church had built for her.  Now her dog can’t get tangled up around the handrail support posts.  I’d volunteered to do it the day we met, and although she insisted that I didn’t need to do it, I chose to anyway. I need all the good karma I can get.

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