Lest I Hope

Remember Wifey? Number four, whom I married in 2011, who returned to her native Ukraine less than three months after the marriage took place. Who finally completed the immigration process and returned in January of this year.

She and I have kept in touch. Before B, we talked reconciliation. After B, we talked. A possible reconciliation attempt came up, down the road after I get over B. Assuming that I ever do. She and her son helped me move stuff into the new house on a couple occasions.

In fact, after helping this past weekend, they stayed at the new house. The plan was to help me get it cleaned up, get unpacked, and generally settled, since FaucetCompany gives me so little time off. I appreciated it. They are sharing a bedroom at the opposite end of the house.

They have been very helpful. And I admit that I had hoped for a reconciliation. She’s a good woman. Better than I deserve. But I’ve made no moves in that direction. I’m not over B, not by a long shot, and I just don’t feel that way towards her. At least not yet. I figured that would come in time, after I recovered from the loss of B. No hurry.

Yesterday morning when I got home from work, she told me that she needed to talk. She told me that she didn’t feel anything towards me romantically, and she didn’t want me to misunderstand or to get my hopes up for something that will almost certainly never be.

Well, at least I’m clear on that, and I don’t have to worry about when I might start to have those feelings for her again.

But I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt a little. Because I had hoped to eventually put B behind me, and a while after that, maybe try to rekindle something with Wifey. It wouldn’t be ideal, but maybe we could have taken care of each other on some level, and be reasonably content in the process.

But, alas, no.

21 January 2015. The day my sex life died. Rest in peace.

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12 Responses to Lest I Hope

  1. bbuddha says:

    you know, you deserve someone who is actually compatible with you; emotionally and sexually. You do need to heal, allow yourself the full grief process. When you are ready make yourself available to someone who wants you for you and brings as much to the relationship as you do.

  2. Jin Chiang says:

    Remember White Trash Lady? You backed away from the precipice by using input from other folks as a barometer. You didn’t understand the repercussion back then, but you do now after B.

    At least one year. I’m sure you noticed any problems manifest well within that window of time. No boom boom.

    That way, you avoid bonding with a girl that will grind her stiletto against your heart and wallet.

    • alaskan454 says:

      I don’t know how to go slow. Sure, I might be able to keep my dick in my pants for a year. Maybe.

      But if there’s chemistry, I will bond emotionally extremely quickly. My heart will be lost in no time, sex or no sex. There’s no zipper that I can keep closed to protect it.

      I can’t do halfway. If I let the wall down enough to let her in, the wall is all the way down and I’m completely vulnerable.

      And with insatiable need to make my partner happy, my wallet will be at serious risk as well.

      I don’t know how to change or what to do to protect myself.

  3. Jin Chiang says:

    You need to recover by taking a hiatus from dating. Absolutely no contact with B. She has you wrapped around her little finger until you process her out.

    I rather like your “barometer” technique for assessing potential dates. It did save your ass from a disastrous relationship with White Trash Lady. Get feedback from friends and family then follow their advice.

    That should stop a sorceress with malicious intentions before she casts a spell on you.

  4. Jin Chiang says:

    I did, in fact, recommend the useless “ocean motion only after one year” rule. Just exactly how quickly do you become emotionally attached? You’ll need to protect yourself by preemptively eliminating any succubus before then.

    The rule of thumb is 80% of the girls you date will be feral mares that are fundamentally broken. They have already been ridden hard and, unlike you, can no longer bond at all and, therefore, will never be happy. You’ll want to avoid single mothers for this reason.

    What you want is the remaining 20% of the herd. The elusive filly that is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. Remember to use your wingman for help in identifying and rounding up your little pony for the Grumpy stable.

    • alaskan454 says:

      It happens quickly. Often, I feel myself becoming attached while it is still too early to even consider ultimate physical intimacy. B was particularly rapid. Three weeks in, I threw away years of immigration hassle and any chance with Wifey, because I knew in my heart that B was the one for me. Usually, within a couple months at most, I am pretty well hooked. How can I stop myself? I know it’s stupid. But I can’t seem to do anything to change it.

  5. Steve says:

    I’d like to add something I’ve read a few times: link along with comment I thought <A HREF="http://www.justfourguys.com/women-to-avoid/#comment-9525"&lt; quite insightful.

  6. Jin Chiang says:

    What do you mean you don’t know how to change? You’ve already changed your future for the better. No need now to do a sudden cylinder dump which might have been the case if you kept it on the low with B.

    And what do you mean you don’t know what to do to protect yourself? You’ve already protected yourself by heeding the warnings from friends and family about White Trash Lady. So now you know you have to decide within three weeks or you’re hooked.

    At least Wifey was honest enough to confirm she doesn’t love you. Take a break. Read that prescient “women to avoid” post so you’ll be ready when you resume your unicorn hunt.

    • alaskan454 says:

      As to a sudden cylinder dump, you’re right. But it wasn’t my choice. If she hasn’t gone into self sabotage mode (as she has since described it), that would still be a very real possibility. I didn’t have enough sense to leave.

      I was very thankful for Wifey’s honesty. The possibly of a reconciliation helped with my recovery from B, as evidenced by my relapse the days following her revelation.

      There’s a lot of wisdom in that post, but the part about not dating anyone with children whose father is still alive eliminates well over ninety percent of the eligible women who are age appropriate for me. I understand and agree with the logic behind the recommendation, but I don’t think it is feasible. Who knows, though? I’ll keep it in mind, at the very least.

      Thank you again for your continued therapy sessions.

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