It Was Bound To Happen

Yesterday morning, as I was leaving work, B texted me.

I know, you’re sick of hearing about her. I’m sorry. I’m sick of hurting.

She sounded borderline suicidal. And I wanted to talk to her. So I did. It seems that less than a month into her marriage, things aren’t going so well. Not that that came as a surprise to anyone. Here’s most of her side of the conversation:

I think about you every day. I’m truly sorry.

My heart hurts because I know I messed up the best thing I could have ever had. I thought I was doing the right thing and I will pay every day for my mistake. I hope life treats you good and you find all the happiness in the world.  I really do.

I’m not happy and I will never be. It’s just not in my cards.  I drive by your beautiful house and the times I see your car in the yard are the worst.  If only I could turn back time.  I won’t bother you anymore.  Good luck in life and I love you always.

(Eldest Daughter) asked about you just last night.  She said my dad never does anything with me but I bet (Grumpy) would have.

If only writing could make my heart feel better.  I long for your kiss, your touch – things I’ll never get again. 

It’s all my fault.  I dug my own grave and it’s my time to lay down in it. Please have happiness in your life.

They (her daughters) had the whole world and so did I, and I threw it away because I didn’t deserve happiness. Seriously I’m sorry. I hope you find love and happiness.

God I miss you so much.

Part of me wants to gloat. But only a tiny part. Mostly, I’m heartbroken. I loved her with my entire heart and soul. I still do. She’s broken, and I couldn’t help fix her. I know it’s over. No second chances.

But, God help me, I miss how she made me feel. I want to hold her in my arms just one more time. A chance for the face to face goodbye that I didn’t get when she left.

Is this how love feels? Whatever it is, it fucking sucks.

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15 Responses to It Was Bound To Happen

  1. Wraith says:

    Lies. All lies. She might actually believe what she says, but if you even think about taking her back, she’ll fuck you over ten times harder. It’s the equivalent of “Aw, c’mon, babe, I’m so sorry I hit you. And that other girl, she didn’t mean nothin’. And we’ll get that rent money(that I blew on blow and hookers)back somehow,. And I’ll NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN. You know I love you, babe–it’s only ever been you.”

    Voice of Experience.

    • alaskan454 says:

      I know. I’m torn. Part of me wants to nicely tell her to fuck off. Another part of me wants to turn the tables on her. Use her. It feels good to touch her and be touched by her. Convince her to meet me for the occasional grope. No, I’m not gonna fuck her. As sweet as that pussy was, her hubby isn’t known for his discretion when it comes to who/what he’ll fuck, so God only knows what he’s caught and passed on to her since she went back to him. Use her to make myself feel good. That way, I’ll get something out of it. I know, it’ll interfere with my ability to move on. But it’s not like it’s gonna last long. It doesn’t take me long to become a frustrating pain in the ass to her. By that time, I’ll have had my fun.

  2. Erin Palette says:

    First, I’m going to quote you: “Go ahead. Blow all that EIC money, bitch. When it’s gone, you’ll regret what you walked away from. And I’m going to laugh my fucking ass off when I hear about your troubles.”

    I’m pretty sure that’s what has happened here. She doesn’t miss you; she misses your money. But then, I’m bitter and cynical.

    If you truly wish to reply, here’s what I think you should say: “If you want to make amends, start by repaying the money you stole from me. It’s the right thing to do, and it will make you feel less guilty because you will have righted a wrong you perpetrated on me.” He reaction to that ought to tell you everything you need to know.

    Additional suggestion, if you feel emotionally up for it: offer to spend time with the daughters. Despite your protestations about “crotchfruit,” it’s pretty apparent you care about what happens to them, and they seem desperately in need of a positive male role model. You can’t save B, but maybe you can help save the next generation of women. And your presence in their lives will be a regular reminder of the bad decision she made — which, honestly, she needs rubbed in her face.

    $0.05, keep the change.

    • alaskan454 says:

      My presence around the kids wouldn’t be tolerated. He would lose his fucking mind, and one of the benefits of breaking up with her was the significantly reduced chance that I’d have to kill him. I’d rather not bring that back into the equation.

      I think I’m going to fuck with her. See if I can’t give her just enough of a taste to remind her clearly of what she lost, then send her back to him. As often as I can. I ain’t gonna give her any money or do anything to help. But if I can get something out if it and keep her reminded her of how fucking stupid her decisions were, I just might have to do it. I’ll play it by ear. For now, I’m maintaining limited contact to see where it goes.

      • Erin Palette says:

        If you’re going to give anyone money, give it to me. I’d like a Tavor, and I’m willing to name it after you. 😛

      • alaskan454 says:

        I’ll keep it in mind. 🙂 Seriously, I don’t plan on any fiscal involvement, even if I do end up meeting her occasionally for a quick session of grab ass. I doubt that I will even do that, but one never knows.

    • bbuddha says:

      Excellent idea, make her pay you back. However it is probably too dangerous for you to let her back in at all. If you maintain limited contact you will be tempted to let her back into your life. She knows how to push your buttons and pluck your emotional strings, she’ll sense when you are at your weakest and pounce

      • Erin Palette says:

        Yes, this.

      • alaskan454 says:

        She couldn’t pay me back, even if she were so inclined. She has no money, no job, has been forbidden to return to her temp job at FaucetCompany by him because I still work here, she already has multiple judgments against her for unpaid medical bills, and she’s screwed over enough banks that the ChexSystem advises banks to refuse to open accounts for her.

        As for the rest, I’m already tempted. I’ve already come up with a set of conditions to protect myself until she proves herself trustworthy. Then I come to my senses momentarily and say HELL NO, NOT AGAIN. But before I know it, I am considering it again. I’m trying to get a handle on it.

        Thanks so much for the advice and encouragement.

  3. Jin Chiang says:

    The person that you loved never really existed. It was just a fantasy created by B to manipulate you. She let the mask slip and you noticed it.

    Note how it has gone from treating her children as a business arrangement to needing you now as an emotional sponge. You never had your chance to say goodbye because B is not done with you yet. She is probably aware you are in the midst of an emotional maelstrom.

    Watch out for the camel getting her nose in your tent, her body will soon follow.

  4. You know that guy who said, “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?” I want him found. I want him dragged naked behind a motorcycle through the streets of the city. I want him brought into my presence, where I will proceed to bitchslap him to death.

  5. Jin Chiang says:

    And what happens if thug catches you and B in flagrante delicto?

    1) A unicorn magically appears and you can pet it.
    2) Her husband tells you it’s okay because his mommy told him to always share.
    3) You’re wilting under withering cross-examination from the prosecution.

    • alaskan454 says:

      You’re right. Thank you for continuing to remind me My head understands very well. I know what I must do. But my stupid heart insists on reminding me how good I felt in her arms, and it fucks me all up.

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