If He Died Today

and tomorrow she wanted to come back, I’d probably welcome her with open arms.

The last twenty-four hours have been extremely difficult for me. I’ve thought about her a lot – pretty much every waking minute. I’ve looked at the pictures over and over. I’ve read back over the messages that we exchanged during our last two months together. I’d have gone back to the beginning, but mobile Messenger won’t go back that far.

We fought more than we didn’t. She didn’t appreciate or value things or people the way that I do (or at least the way I try to). I’m very relieved that I won’t be helping to raise two little girls. The list of reasons why we shouldn’t be together is almost long enough to be a novel.

But when it was good, it was SO good, and worth every moment of stress and heartache.

God, I miss her! I thought I was done crying over her. I was wrong.

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4 Responses to If He Died Today

  1. Wraith says:

    Brother, I say this out of love: LET. IT. GO.

    It’s hard–I know. (Boy, do I fuckin’ know.) You’re a good man, and you want to focus on the good things. But you’re remembering the buttercream frosting on a shit cake. She does not deserve your tears. There are better women out there, and the more time you spend obsessing over B(itch), the more likely you are to overlook the real deal.

    Trust in God to send you what you need when you’re ready for it.

    • alaskan454 says:

      Thank you for your words of encouragement. I know you’re absolutely right. I’m trying. I thought I had it conquered. Obviously, it’s going to be a harder fight than I thought.

  2. Jin Chiang says:

    Or she shows up sporting a black eye and wants to come back. You are highly vulnerable. It will take a while to get over her.

    B is a microcosm of the dating pool. Exhorted by “you go, girl” accolades, K-Y Jelly Kelly goes wild. But she can’t really have it all.

    In fact, she loses her ability to pair-bond. So she’ll never be truly happy. What is insidious is that this latent damage is not immediately obvious.

    You’re smoking, Grumpy. Slow down. You have to take your time to do it right and avoid being hurt again.

    • alaskan454 says:

      Thank you. The sad part is, I’m not sure I want to get over her. And I’m really doubtful about any future relationship. Time will tell. Until then, I’m stuck on this damn rollercoaster.

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