I need some advice.
B’s ex had been safely out of state until today. Last week, he lost his job, got drunk, tore up his motel room and beat one of his “friends” half to death. Today, his daddy is posting his bond and bringing him back to the area.
He’s been arrested many times for beating the shit out of people, and was even convicted a time or three.
On more than one occasion, he has said that he intends to cause death or grievous bodily harm to me the first time he sees me. Actually “beat me to death” and “kick my ass” are his phrases of choice, but you get the idea. Given his documented past, it seems to be a credible threat. I don’t plan to make it easy for him.
B and I intend cohabitation in the home that I am still trying to complete the purchase of. Even assuming that the deal closes this week as currently scheduled, which seems unlikely since we’ve missed the last two scheduled closings, there are weeks worth of repairs that will be done before anyone can move in. So we’re still a little ways out.
Even though it is extremely unlikely that he will physically harm her or the girls, I fully expect him to try to follow through on his threats against me. By my logic, a threat to any member of the household is a threat to the entire household.
I am already working on security procedures that I plan to insist that B and the kids follow, coupled with physical target hardening measures already previously planned. They are listed below, along with explanations as appropriate. Are any unreasonable? If so, please explain why.
Asshole is not to be told where we live. He knows most of the folks in the area, and eventually someone will tell him. But not any of us. She will deliver and pick up the kids wherever he’s staying for visitation.
Once he finally does find out and decides to stop by, the sheriff is to be called the second we become aware that he’s stepped foot onto the property. Do not speak to him. If outside, quickly come inside and lock behind you. If inside, double check locks, do not acknowledge him in any way, and get deputies rolling immediately.
Under absolutely no circumstances is he allowed inside the home, no matter how friendly he may be acting. Kids are never to answer the door, even if the visitor is known, and B must identify any visitors before unbolting the door. If it’s asshole, he is to be ignored and the sheriff called.
I insist on not speaking to him in order to prevent the following testimony in the event that I am forced to defend myself against him and we both survive the encounter:
Your Honor, I came over regularly and hung out with my kids and talked to BabyMama, and then one day this sonofabitch comes out and fucking shoots me.
Would I be unreasonable to end the relationship should she refuse to agree to and follow these basic measures? She’s convinced he’s all talk, but his record says otherwise. I’m not willing to gamble my life on that chance, and if she is, then it is my opinion that she has insufficient respect for my life to be a part of it. Am I wrong?
I should add that I’m not trying to find an excuse to end our relationship, far from it, and I don’t think that she’ll refuse. But in case I am wrong, I wanted to ask if this is a hill worth dying on. Since it may end up being exactly that.