I know it’s been a while. My apologies.
This is going to be a follow-up to my last two posts. Much has taken place since we last talked.
I have decided to go forward with the potential relationship with B. It is going to be at least a couple months before the immigration situation is decided, so the question may resolve itself before there is an issue. In the mean time, I will continue communicating with Wifey, and the immigration process will continue to move at its current pace.
B is away from her ex and in her own place now. It didn’t take a lot of encouragement to make it happen. She felt trapped, and needed a nudge to show her otherwise. Although me putting up the money for the deposit probably didn’t hinder the process any.
Between the move itself, the last minute school enrollment change, and running all over hell’s half acre to furnish the place with thrift store stuff, all while maintaining the required presence at work, it has been a busy week.
This has been very difficult for me. On one hand, I feel guilty. In her emails, Wifey writes about how much she is looking forward to the house, and of how nice it will be to have our own place. She talks about finishing the remodel and growing old slowly, together. And I believe her.
Then I remember her actions and decisions that left me alone almost three years ago. And all the other shit I whined about already.
B and I seem good together, at least so far. She’s passionate about her feelings for me. She appreciates the things that I do for her. She likes me. She wants me. When we’re together, life is great.
But there’s the house. I’ve moved probably thirty times as an adult, and I am fucking sick of it. And I put tens of thousands of dollars, hundreds of hours, gallons of sweat, and more than a few drops of blood to get it this far. I don’t expect B to ever live here. It’s in town, the school district is somewhat less than desirable, and with two rug rats, I’d have to give up my office.
I’ve made conscious choices to get where I am today – near zero debt, minimal responsibility. I really like where I am in my life, and I would really prefer not to give all that up. I mean, can you really see old Grumpy playing daddy to a fucking toddler?
But when I am with B, nothing else matters. She becomes my world. She responds to me in ways that no woman ever has. She feels as lucky and blessed to have me as I do her. I’ve never had that before. Certainly not with Wifey.
Nothing in life is free. If I want the awesomeness that is B, I have to hurt my wife, probably piss off one of my best friends (ex-Roomie) and accept the drama and baggage that comes with her.
God, please grant me strength and wisdom.