So, my wife has a pending immigrant visa case currently with the National Visa Center. She could be back by the end of the year if everything goes smoothly. It probably won’t, but I figure that there is a 90+% chance of it eventually being approved. Great, right?
I’ve mentioned talking to this new girl at work. Well, she’s not new, but the talking part is. Things are happening that I never saw coming.
I’ve had a crush on the girl for months, but that happened once before with another girl. They are fun, but I don’t act on these crushes. I am married, even if I haven’t seen my wife in nine hundred thirty-nine days. I’m a chickenshit of epic proportions. It’s almost never a good idea to date someone where you work. And both she and the object of my last work crush are/were too young for me.
It turns out that this girl, who I will call B, had been trying to catch my eye for about as long as I’d been crushing on her, maybe even a little longer. I’m not sure why, since she turned down my dinner invitation the other week due to having a boyfriend.
She’s been with this boyfriend for roughly eight years, and has a sprog by him. Some time between the creation of said sprog and the present time, dude developed quite the taste for recreational pharmaceuticals. They haven’t shared a room or bed in quite some time. She has another kid, age 2, by “an old boyfriend with whom she had a moment of weakness” who hasn’t seen the baby since it was four months old. Yeah, she picks winners. She claims to stay with him because she works third shift, and worthless though he is, he will refrain from getting too fucked up so he can keep an eye on the kids while she’s at work. She has nobody else who can or will help.
So, while neither of us are technically available, neither of our current situations are even remotely fulfilling. And we’ve both been interested in each other for several months.
Well, we finally found each other.
I won’t bore you with the details of the hours-long conversations that we’ve had pretty much every day since establishing our mutual interest. There are many reasons nothing should develop between us. My wife. Her boyfriend. The age difference (14 years). Her kids and my lack of a desire to deal with that. She’s quite the people person, and I’m a reclusive hermit. She can’t stand the heat of a jalapeño pepper, while I regularly cook with habanero and ghost pepper. Hell, she’s a fucking deomcrat. I’m not sure she understands the word, though. She has no issues whatsoever with guns, and I have yet to find any real topics about which her claimed democrat-ness shows through.
She actually likes me. She blushes furiously if I hold eye contact for more than a second or two. You cannot imagine how flattering that is. Pretty girls just don’t notice me, much less have physical responses to my gaze. Hell, even the ugly ones don’t usually acknowledge my existence. I’m usually the one embarrassingly trying to impress the girl. But she liked me without me approaching her and making a move. And I liked her before she finally dropped enough hints for me to figure out that she was interested. It’s only been a short time, but we just click so far. Conversation with her is easy. I admit that the lust is thick enough you could cut it with a chainsaw, but beyond wanting to do bad things to her, I like her.
I just don’t know what to do. I want to go forward and see if there is anything there that may stand the test of time. But I don’t want to break her heart. She’s too sweet of a girl, and she’s already had a tough life. And I have given my word to my wife that I will give her a second chance if she can get back into the country, despite the fact that I haven’t fully forgiven her for leaving. She’s not back yet, but there’s not that much time between now and when she may be. There’s enough time to fall in love, but not long enough time for any real long term viability test.
If I move forward, we’ll probably fall in love, and either I must risk that it will last long term and blow off my wife after almost two years of immigration struggles, or I keep my word to my wife and break B’s heart in the process. Perhaps along with my own.
If I don’t let it move forward, I will always wonder what could have been. I could wait out the immigration process and hope that B will wait. She knows the whole story, and has been very understanding so far. It should only be a couple more months. But who the fuck knows what’s really going to happen? There could be more delays before the interview. The 04 August notice did say that they expect it to take “at least 60 days to review documents”. Everything else has been running at almost double the estimated time. Then there is the time to transfer everything to the embassy. And their processing time. And the time to wait for the interview. And if they deny her after the interview, which is a real possibility, there is an appeal process. That will take another indeterminate amount of time to get through. With no certain outcome.
And there is absolutely no guarantee that Wifey and I will be happy together, regardless of when she gets here. We know each other, but not as a couple. We’ve never spent the night in the same room. Yes, there were a few intimate encounters, five to be exact, but every time it felt like we were sneaking around. I never saw her completely without clothes. Draw the curtains, do the deed, get dressed, and get on with the day. At no point have I ever felt for her anything even remotely like what I feel for B. Not that that’s much of indicator, but it is something. Right?
Decisions, decisions. Whichever way I go, it will be wrong.