I have gotten into arguments with pretty much every financial institution that I have ever used. I have closed more accounts than I can remember as a result of such arguments. Eventually, I got to the point that I accepted banks as a necessary evil, and gave up on them having any sort of a clue. I do as much as I can digitally, in order to minimize my contact with living, breathing, clueless idiots.
A couple years ago, I added an RSA key type of device to my current account. At the time, I made numerous ACH transfers, and this device got me around the quantity and monetary limits. With the addition of this device, I am required to use it to make any significant changes to my account, and occasionally even to sign in. This morning was one such occasion.
My RSA key device is a thick credit card, and squeezing one corner will cause the display portion above it to show a new code. Normally. Today, it gave a four-letter message instead of a new code. I assumed that the battery had failed. Being unable to log in to my account and asking for help that way, I had to call.
I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. Everything is dumbed down to the point that first line customer service is nothing more than trained monkeys reading from a script. At least my trained monkey spoke without an accent.
I got Renee, a polite, blonde-sounding sort of person. I explained my problem. I made the mistake of telling her that I was trying to log in to my account when I learned that the key card had failed. She immediately latched on to the “sign-in problems” section of the script. She insisted that I tell her what browser I was using, if I was accessing the sign-in page from a bookmark, and insisted that I clear my cookies and history. I told her many, many times that the problem was not with my PC, but with the card. She didn’t seem to grok what I was saying, and refused to escalate the matter until I did as her script demanded.
Eventually, she transferred me to “Special Operations” where I got a better trained monkey. I think he said his name was Rafael. It took a while, but he finally confirmed that the message on the display meant that the card had failed. Success!
can’t doesn’t know how to order a new one for me. He directs me to the Profile section of my account where he says that I can order a new one.
I was having problems logging in, remember?
I managed to get logged in without the challenge code using Chromium instead of Firefox. However, since I already had a key card, the only option I had was to delete it. I explained this to Rafael/Raul/Fido. He said to do that, then it would let me order a new one. I reminded him that there is a $20 one-time fee for the device, and the message told me that I would be charged this fee again. He promised to note the account, and
if when I was charged, all I had to do was call back and any associate would reverse the charge based on his notes.
Yay! I get to spend another hour of my life on the phone with these idiots next week getting a fee credited back that never should have been charged.