I have gotten into arguments with pretty much every financial institution that I have ever used.  I have closed more accounts than I can remember as a result of such arguments.  Eventually, I got to the point that I accepted banks as a necessary evil, and gave up on them having any sort of a clue.  I do as much as I can digitally, in order to minimize my contact with living, breathing, clueless idiots.

A couple years ago, I added an RSA key type of device to my current account.  At the time, I made numerous ACH transfers, and this device got me around the quantity and monetary limits.  With the addition of this device, I am required to use it to make any significant changes to my account, and occasionally even to sign in.  This morning was one such occasion.

My RSA key device is a thick credit card, and squeezing one corner will cause the display portion above it to show a new code.  Normally.  Today, it gave a four-letter message instead of a new code.  I assumed that the battery had failed.  Being unable to log in to my account and asking for help that way, I had to call.

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.  Everything is dumbed down to the point that first line customer service is nothing more than trained monkeys reading from a script.  At least my trained monkey spoke without an accent.

I got Renee, a polite, blonde-sounding sort of person.  I explained my problem.  I made the mistake of telling her that I was trying to log in to my account when I learned that the key card had failed.  She immediately latched on to the “sign-in problems” section of the script.  She insisted that I tell her what browser I was using, if I was accessing the sign-in page from a bookmark, and insisted that I clear my cookies and history.  I told her many, many times that the problem was not with my PC, but with the card.  She didn’t seem to grok what I was saying, and refused to escalate the matter until I did as her script demanded.

Eventually, she transferred me to “Special Operations” where I got a better trained monkey.  I think he said his name was Rafael.  It took a while, but he finally confirmed that the message on the display meant that the card had failed.  Success!

Waitaminute.  He can’t doesn’t know how to order a new one for me.  He directs me to the Profile section of my account where he says that I can order a new one.

I was having problems logging in, remember?

I managed to get logged in without the challenge code using Chromium instead of Firefox.  However, since I already had a key card, the only option I had was to delete it.  I explained this to Rafael/Raul/Fido.  He said to do that, then it would let me order a new one.  I reminded him that there is a $20 one-time fee for the device, and the message told me that I would be charged this fee again.  He promised to note the account, and if when I was charged, all I had to do was call back and any associate would reverse the charge based on his notes.

Yay! I get to spend another hour of my life on the phone with these idiots next week getting a fee credited back that never should have been charged.

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2 Responses to BankuvMurrica

  1. Wraith says:

    I would sooner stick my junk in a blender and hit ‘puree’ than ever do business with those thieving fucks at BoA again. I know, all banks are generally up to no good, but these bastards pretty much raped me in every financial orifice, so it’s personal on my end.

    • alaskan454 says:

      I can understand that sentiment. I happened to be with them when I came to the realization that they all suck, and will fuck you every chance they get. That is the only reason I still have an account there.

      I try to minimize how much of my money they keep for longer than a day or two, in an attempt to limit my exposure. Direct deposit has to go somewhere, though.

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