Back around February, LF asked that we drop the “exclusive” tag from our relationship. Something about all the hours I was working and her not wanting to sit at home pining for me. Somehow she wasn’t comfortable going out with platonic friends while locked in an exclusive romantic relationship. I knew it was over at that point, but she kept insisting that she still wanted to see me, and still wanted me in her life.
I decided to play along, and asked that she take the lead. She was the one redefining our relationship, after all. In the weeks that followed, I let her know when I had a weekend off, or was otherwise available. She never even hinted that she wanted to see me. Eventually, I wrote her an email pointing out this fact, and asking her if she did indeed still want to spend time with me.
She replied with an email that began with I wish you would talk to me. Ask and ye shall receive. She went on to explain that she was waiting for me to ask her out.
From day one, she claimed that honesty and communication were very important to her in a relationship. Actions speak louder than words, though. Whenever I tried to talk to her about anything of significance, her response was Do we have to have this conversation now? Either she was tired, stressed out about the holidays, depressed because this was her first holiday season since her mother died, depressed because the anniversary of her mother’s death was approaching, upset because her father had found a girlfriend twenty years his junior and they were making noises about marriage, or overwhelmed because life is hard. OK, so I made the last one up.
At her request, I talked to her. I opened up about all the things I could think of that had been on my mind, but I had been forced to keep to myself for months. Like how I was invading her mutt’s territory by sleeping in her bed (he did sleep there first), and I should be more understanding about that. And how she felt that I needed to be “corrected” for taking a shower (in a house with two bathrooms) without asking everyone in the house before doing so. My absolute lack of consideration meant that her daughter had to wait ten extra minutes before she could brush her teeth for bed. And lots of similar bullshit that wouldn’t have been a big deal had there not been so much that it added up to a metric shitload.
Three days later, she texted me to tell me that she was going to send me an answer when she had time. I tried to have text conversations a couple times after that, but I was always the one to initiate contact. She was always polite, but never particularly friendly or interested in anything that was going on in my life. Last contact was 9 April.
Her promise to answer was on 19 March. As expected, no answer has been forthcoming. I don’t think that there is any doubt that whatever we had is long over.
I miss the occasional intimacy, but not the constant drama, bullshit and extravagant measures that were necessary to make the rare intimate moments happen. LF is now officially ex-LF and probably will not be mentioned here again.