Some time between 1600 Sunday and 1000 Monday, some low life piece of dog shit decided to reappropriate the five gallons of kerosene that I had sitting outside the back door. The fucking bastard better not let me catch him coming back for anything else.
The cop who took the police report (yes, I filed a report for thirty bucks worth of lost property, in case it becomes a pattern and I have to beat the shit out of someone at a later date for similar behavior) warned me that in that neighborhood, anything that wasn’t nailed down would probably disappear.
Grumpy Bastard 
Shame that frag grenades are illegal. Pull the pin on one, set the can down on top of it to hold the spoon, this problem solves itself…
Yeah, that would certainly solve the problem. If only…