Fuck The Damn Government

A couple years ago, I bought a STX 1800 meat grinder.  It sat around for a while, until I finally got around to using it last year.  After a couple uses, I noticed that the aluminum parts were discolored, and when handled, a black substance would come off onto my hands.  This pissed me off.  I assumed that the parts were an aluminum alloy of some sort, and the non-aluminum components of the alloy were reacting with the dishwashing detergent.  I figured it wouldn’t kill me, so I just rinsed and wiped everything down each time before use, and didn’t worry about it.

This morning, I baked some canned biscuits in my toaster oven.  I know, they’re crap, and a little effort on my part would have resulted in some really tasty homemade biscuits.  Fuck you, I’m on a lazy streak.  OK, a worse lazy streak than normal.

Anyway, I noticed that the pan for my toaster oven was discolored similarly to the meat grinder parts, albeit less severely.  I started looking into the problem, and learned that as of 01 July 2011, the damn worthless, incompetent, self-absorbed, elitist, “we know what’s best for everybody else” shit stains in Washington, District of Criminals, had decreed that all automatic dish detergent must be phosphate free.  For some reason that I don’t understand (I’m not a fucking chemist) the new formulas wreak havoc on anything aluminum.

So now, I get to do some combination of a boiling acid bath or hours with a wire brush and/or steel wool to get this shit off of my food preparation equipment.  All because these fucking nanny-state fucktards are convinced that we absolutely must be saved from ourselves (CFL vs. incandescent bulbs, anyone?).  I swear, they are so damn stupid that they would use a 50 megaton nuclear weapon to kill a fucking flea if they deemed the flea to be the problem of the day and the nearest weapon was said nuke.

And if that wasn’t enough, just this morning, I learned that they are also responsible for my recent lackluster grill performance.  It seems as though there is a safety feature built into the regulator for all gas grills built since 1995 that severely limits flow in the event of excessively high flow.  The problem is that, since it is a government-mandated thing, and not an innovative feature that some brilliant customer or designer came up with, everybody in the business picked the cheapest fucking way to comply with the rule.  Instead of coming up with something that, I don’t know, actually fucking works.  The design in use can be triggered if you open the tank valve too quickly, or if either of the burner valves are on while the tank valve is being opened.  I had pink yet dry burgers last night, when they could have been juicy and cooked properly.

To the current mess of politicians:  Please go pour honey all over yourself, walk barefoot and naked through as many ant hills as possible, then smack three hornet nests on your way into the busiest nearby street.  The result would not be nearly painful enough, but it’s the most appropriate idea I can think of at the moment.

Fucking IDIOTS.  And that is an insult to idiots everywhere.

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7 Responses to Fuck The Damn Government

  1. Garand Gal says:

    The no phosphate thing is also why laundry detergent doesn’t clean as well as it used to, although I believe phosphates in laundry detergent have been banned longer than they have in dish detergent. I like to use canned biscuits to make bastardized pull apart cinnamon rolls. Quarter each raw biscuit, roll it into a ball, dip it in melted butter/margarine and roll it in a mix of brown sugar, cinnamon and granulated sugar, pack it into a bundt/angel food cake type pan (non-stick rocks if you have it, grease it up if you don’t), bake it at 350 for about a half hour, turn it upside down with the pan on it to cool for a few minutes and to let the gooey sauce drip back onto it, pull it apart and chow down. I think people call it monkey bread. If I have any melted butter and sugar stuff left over I usually mix it together and pour it over top and let it sink in a bit before I bake it. When I lived in GA and had a pecan tree in the yard I’d mix those in too. Dammit, now I want and I don’t have the $. Looks like I’ll be mixing up a batch of biscuits later.

  2. hilljohnny says:

    go to lowes, ask for trisodium phosphate, add a teaspoon per load to dishwasher or two teaspoons per load to laundry.

  3. Jin Chiang says:

    Use a scouring stick made of pumice. Make sure the surface is wet, several gentle swipes later, and you’re done. No dangerous acids or hours of toiling.

    The monkey bread. Oh my! I think I gained weight just by reading the luscious description.

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