This Shit Is Funny

The HOA Cunt™ has struck yet again.  Yesterday, I received what she calls a “second notice” regarding the rabbit cages behind the house, which I can only assume is a follow-up to the event back in April , to which she never responded.  This time, she quotes yet a third passage from the rules, which says (in part), “Any pet must not be an unreasonable nuisance or annoyance to other residents on the Project Land.”  It is laughable that she is trying to use this against rabbits.  Rabbits are silent with very rare exceptions, nearly non-odorous for their size, and generally the least offensive of any outdoor pet.  Here is my reply:

21 August, 2012

 Sarah,

 Do you not have anything better to do than to try to force me into removing the rabbits from [address redacted]?

First, you said that they were livestock. When that did not work, you quoted a section of the rules that specifically pertains to front and side yards, and tried to make it apply to the back yard. I challenged the rule as you quoted it, since the pertinent part (“This includes cages behind the home that have not been screened from view.”) is missing from my copy of the rules. A copy of my letter is enclosed, with certain parts highlighted. You failed to respond to my request for an updated copy containing the allegedly missing part, which would indicate that you made up the sentence that supposedly puts me in violation.

In your latest letter (copy enclosed), you are trying to convince me that the rabbits are “…an unreasonable nuisance or annoyance to other residents…” which would seem to be a completely different violation, since a different section of the rules was quoted.

In an obvious attempt to intimidate me into compliance with your wishes (not the rules), you mentioned the possibility that I would be asked to appear in front of the Board of Directors at a hearing for non-compliance of the guidelines of the Association. Please, I beg you, schedule such a hearing and inform me when and where to appear. I welcome the opportunity to hear how the rabbits are in any way an unreasonable nuisance or annoyance to other residents, or how a non-existent section of the rules can be enforced. It will either be one of the most brilliant and compelling arguments ever made, or pure comedy gold. Either way, I do not want to miss it.

Perhaps you can read through the rules again and find yet another section that you think you can stretch into claiming is somehow being violated. Or, perhaps you can simply accept that the rules, as currently written, are not being broken.

The fact that the rabbits (and I) are an annoyance to you is neither against the rules, nor in any way relevant. Your behavior is bordering on harassment, and the only reason why I have not yet taken legal action to compel you cease and desist is because you are simply not worth the effort.

In case you have not figured it out yet, I will not be bullied or intimidated. If I am indeed in violation of some rule or law, and proof of said rule or law is provided, I will accept responsibility and adjust my behavior. However, since it is blatantly obvious that the rules are deliberately being mis-quoted in an attempt to make them fit your wishes, and the actual rules are not being broken, no changes will be made. Period.

Sincerely,

Grumpy Bastard

Let’s see what she has to say about that.  If she does indeed summon me to a meeting, I will wear a voice recorder, and will try to get someone to come along and video the entire thing.  Believe me, I’ll share whatever happens in whatever format I am able to obtain.

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11 Responses to This Shit Is Funny

  1. Craig says:

    Yeah!!!! Looking forward to hearing “the rest of the story.”

    • alaskan454 says:

      I’ll be very surprised if anything ever comes of it, but I’ll post it if anything does. It took her over four months to go from initial violation to second notice.

      I have to take apart at least one of the unused cages anyway, because it was damaged in the storm a while back. I don’t need it, so I plan to take it apart and store the reusable components rather than repairing it.

      Unfortunately, I’m sure that it and the other unused cage at the back of the yard are what annoys her the most. I’d hate to appear to react to her authoritah.

  2. Garand Gal says:

    So I’m guessing that the bunnies are staying?

    • alaskan454 says:

      Yes, at least for now. I had almost decided to end the experiment for now, but your recent advice convinced me to go at least a while longer. In fact, I have a litter due the middle of next month. I was seriously considering making that the end of the line for now, and taking a break until next spring. At that time, I was going to get either a pair of true Californians, or at least a bred doe, and work on preserving food for the winter. Now, though, I’m not sure what I’ll do. The absolute last thing I want to do is bow to her demands, or even give the appearance of such. Doesn’t she understand basic human (or at least American) mentality? To wit: The easiest way to make someone do something is to tell them that they can’t do it.

      • Garand Gal says:

        She’s in a position of POWAH! What do you mean that people aren’t going to crumble and bow before her mighty rule book? :eyeroll:

  3. Jin Chiang says:

    A quick prayer about the HOA lady… Please don’t be related to Chucky. Please don’t be related to Chucky!

    Find out if she is hot. Like Rick said, maybe she fancies you and just needs some loving. Stick your flash drive into her USB port to tame the shrew!

    • alaskan454 says:

      Unless she is terribly disgusting, if I thought it would make a difference in her attitude, I’d be happy to hate fuck the hell out of her. However, I have neither the equipment nor the stamina to actually pull off such a feat.

  4. Wraith says:

    In a civilized society, it would be legal, acceptable and an act of civic heroism to throw busybodies like this into a woodchipper. But since this is a country of brain-damaged barbarians, your response is the best possible under the circumstances.

    I predict this will not end well–for her. 😉

    • alaskan454 says:

      I tend to agree with your assessment, and I thank you for your kind words regarding my response.

      If she pursues the matter, it certainly won’t end well for one of us. Unless the Board is filled with power-hungry fascists with no regard for the rule of law like her (which is a distinct possibility – HOAs tend to attract that type) I, too, predict that I will come out on the prevailing side.

  5. Larry says:

    You could always give her a baby bunny as a make-up present.

    or maybe a bunch of them in her yard…

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