I’m floored by the response to my last post. There has been a lot of discussion in the comments, and several people have contacted me directly instead of commenting.
Honestly, I expected comments along the lines of Congratulations, or It’s about time. What did I get instead?
Multiple immediate threats of physical violence against my person, and unanimous condemnation of my decision.
First of all, I would like to thank everyone for weighing in, and offering advice. I do appreciate it, even though it was extremely painful to hear.
The only real risk that I saw was if/when she learned that I carry at work, and the possibility that she would let that slip to the wrong person. Even so, I saw the risk as minimal. Hell, I’ve carried daily (with a few exceptions) for well over a year, and although some may suspect, I don’t believe that anyone seriously thinks that I do.
Even when joking about the subject, I’ve had people look me up and down, and declare that I absolutely wasn’t carrying it that day. Although I most certainly was. Even the occasional hug has never been a problem. I just hug in a way that keeps the other person’s hands and arms elsewhere. In a more intimate situation, that would be more difficult, but I honestly believe that I could pull it off for quite some time.
The rest of the “reasons not to” were true, but were, in my mind, filler to make the post more interesting, and not serious concerns. Y’all disagreed. Vehemently.
I’ve bitched about women on the dating sites, and how they are picky and rude. In general, you’ve been very supportive of my opinion. However, when I ask someone out who seems to be a decent but not perfect, either as a person, or as a match for me, all hell rains down on me. Since it was unanimous, I assume that it was deserved. I’m just trying to understand it.
Every intimate relationship that I’ve ever been in has failed miserably and painfully, so obviously my judgment is shit. I’m just trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, so I can fix it. Common themes are patience and hard work. I freely admit that I’m light on patience, and a little on the lazy side when it comes to some things. But when I can’t get even one coffee date out of nearly fifty tries, I can’t help but think that I bring too much baggage to the table.
I can’t change the past, and I won’t lie about it. I’ve tried to learn from it, and I thought I had. Based on your recent feedback, I haven’t.
How can I demand perfection from a lady, when I don’t have the same to offer in return?
How can I know what things are just normal differences between human beings that are not threatening to a potential relationship, and what should have me running for the nearest exit?
In life, I observe and avoid if I am the least bit uneasy. Every woman on the planet makes me uneasy, so that approach obviously won’t work. I try to engage a filter, but according to my friends, family, and kind commenters, my filter seems to be broken. Things that shouldn’t be issues are, yet I’m blind to what everyone else sees as major warning signs. How can I fix this, or am I beyond help?