… not including my mother. Or the five nice ladies who read and comment here.
OK, well, this is really to the members of match.com and farmersonly.com who live in the central North Carolina and southern Virginia area and are between the ages of thirty-one and forty-seven. Here goes:
What the fuck is your major malfunction?!? You joined a dating site, presumably because you’re single and would prefer not to stay that way. You picked characteristics that you want in your match. I understand certain preferences. So you don’t want to date outside your race. No problem. You want someone who has the same habits regarding alcohol and tobacco use, and the same desires about children. Again, reasonable. Then you get stupid.
You don’t want to meet anyone under six feet tall. You idiotic fucking bitch, you just eliminated over eighty percent of the population, right there. Then you want someone with at least a Bachelors Degree. That eliminated seventy percent of the schmucks left, leaving you with roughly six percent of whatever number you had in the beginning.
But your dumb ass doesn’t stop there. You want a minimum income of $50K per year (or more), despite the fact that you describe yourself as “independent and self-sufficient, not looking for a man to take care of me”. You want someone who has an “athletic” body type. You keep going until Josh Duhamel (or whoever the current #1 male Hollyweird heartthrob is these days) couldn’t even qualify.
It would be different if these were just your “preferences”, but they aren’t. They are your absolute minimum requirements. You have the nerve to say that anything less would be “settling”, and you just won’t do that.
You whine that you’re alone, but you ignore the brave soul who took the time to write to you despite not meeting your unattainable standards. He thought you were interesting, and hoped that perhaps you would overlook his many flaws (according to you) and get to know the great guy that he really is.
It’s bad enough that you won’t give the guy a chance, but you are such a rude and inconsiderate fucktard that you won’t even take five seconds and three mouse clicks to send a canned “No, thanks.” message. The poor bastard took the time to find and read your profile, craft an e-mail, and send it to you. How fucking dare you?
Bitch, I have a news flash for you. You’re no fucking prize yourself. Sure, you may have desirable attributes A and B, but YOU’RE NOT PERFECT! Not even close. You’re lucky that at least some men are not as
discerning picky as you, otherwise none would ever write to you. Maybe men don’t write you. At least you should know why.
I’m not talking about an isolated few. I’m ignored nearly ninety percent of the time. I’m no catch, and I know that the “currently separated” thing probably turns off a large majority of you, but DAMN!
I know that intimate relationships are not nearly as important to women of any age, and especially not to women who have kids and/or are in their mid-thirties or older, as they are to men. But, given that the massive majority of you are selfish, self-absorbed fuckheads, I’m shocked that any of you even bother to join a dating site.
You don’t deserve to meet a nice guy like me. Yes, I really am a good, decent guy. At least I am when I’m not dealing with the likes of you.
In closing, FUCK YOU! Charles Manson would be too nice for you. Get used to life alone.