Open Letter To Women

… not including my mother.  Or the five nice ladies who read and comment here.

OK, well, this is really to the members of match.com and farmersonly.com who live in the central North Carolina and southern Virginia area and are between the ages of thirty-one and forty-seven.  Here goes:

What the fuck is your major malfunction?!?  You joined a dating site, presumably because you’re single and would prefer not to stay that way.  You picked characteristics that you want in your match.  I understand certain preferences.  So you don’t want to date outside your race.  No problem.  You want someone who has the same habits regarding alcohol and tobacco use, and the same desires about children.  Again, reasonable.  Then you get stupid. 

You don’t want to meet anyone under six feet tall.  You idiotic fucking bitch, you just eliminated over eighty percent of the population, right there.  Then you want someone with at least a Bachelors Degree.  That eliminated seventy percent of the schmucks left, leaving you with roughly six percent of whatever number you had in the beginning. 

But your dumb ass doesn’t stop there.  You want a minimum income of $50K per year (or more), despite the fact that you describe yourself as “independent and self-sufficient, not looking for a man to take care of me”.  You want someone who has an “athletic” body type.  You keep going until Josh Duhamel (or whoever the current #1 male Hollyweird heartthrob is these days) couldn’t even qualify. 

It would be different if these were just your “preferences”, but they aren’t.  They are your absolute minimum requirements.  You have the nerve to say that anything less would be “settling”, and you just won’t do that. 

You whine that you’re alone, but you ignore the brave soul who took the time to write to you despite not meeting your unattainable standards.  He thought you were interesting, and hoped that perhaps you would overlook his many flaws (according to you) and get to know the great guy that he really is. 

It’s bad enough that you won’t give the guy a chance, but you are such a rude and inconsiderate fucktard that you won’t even take five seconds and three mouse clicks to send a canned “No, thanks.” message.  The poor bastard took the time to find and read your profile, craft an e-mail, and send it to you.  How fucking dare you?

Bitch, I have a news flash for you.  You’re no fucking prize yourself.  Sure, you may have desirable attributes A and B, but YOU’RE NOT PERFECT!  Not even close.  You’re lucky that at least some men are not as discerning picky as you, otherwise none would ever write to you.  Maybe men don’t write you.  At least you should know why.

I’m not talking about an isolated  few.  I’m ignored nearly ninety percent of the time.  I’m no catch, and I know that the “currently separated” thing probably turns off a large majority of you, but DAMN! 

I know that intimate relationships are not nearly as important to women of any age, and especially not to women who have kids and/or are in their mid-thirties or older, as they are to men.  But, given that the massive majority of you are selfish, self-absorbed fuckheads,  I’m shocked that any of you even bother to join a dating site. 

You don’t deserve to meet a nice guy like me.  Yes, I really am a good, decent guy.  At least I am when I’m not dealing with the likes of you. 

In closing, FUCK YOU!  Charles Manson would be too nice  for you.  Get used to life alone. 

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15 Responses to Open Letter To Women

  1. Erin Palette says:

    Yup. Welcome to the seamy underbelly of Feminism — “I deserve perfection and will not settle for anything less.” This attitude hasn’t done a lot of good for a lot of women.

    My advice, such as it is, is this: Stop going after the ones in your age group, because they’re fertile and they know it and they can afford (at this time) to be picky. But as they get older, and that biological clock starts winding down, most of their suitors will start looking for younger, firmer bodies. Then the worm has truly turned, because men stay fertile for as long as they’re potent, and therefore you become a lot more desirable.

    I’m not saying “Only go after old hags.” I’m saying, maybe you should stop trying to meet women in their late 30s – early 40s and start looking at 45+.

    Or hell, sow some wild oats and see if you can find a hot twentysomething who thinks you’re rugged and edgy.

    Point is. stay the hell away from your own generation.

    • alaskan454 says:

      Thanks for the advice.

      So far, I’ve mostly gone after women with grown or nearly grown children, who have made it clear that they don’t want any more kids. This puts most of them in their mid to late 40’s, but a few started young, and are right at 40.

      The problem is this. I have a sister who is 50. I love her dearly, and she has been an invaluable source of information. She, bless her heart, and all the women she knows who are approximately the same age have one thing in common. Zero interest in sex. None. Would be completely happy if they never got any again, ever, as long as they live.

      Me, I like my boy parts, and I’d like to be able to use them for the function for which they were designed, at least occasionally. Which leads me to chasing younger women who may still have a little carnal desire left, but seem to be afflicted with the need for a mate made from unobtanium.

      Thoughts?

      As for 20-somethings, particularly hot ones, I have only one thing to say to that. Yeah, right.

  2. Brian C says:

    Love the letter you seem to have nailed it right on the head. Fuck those Bitches seems appropriate.

    • alaskan454 says:

      I love women. I really do. But I swear to $DEITY, this bunch is really spoiling my opinion of the entire lot of them.

      Thanks for the visit and the comment.

  3. Bea says:

    Dude. I’m stunned. I just stumbled upon your blog when I Googled “am I being reasonable” so that the internet gods could answer and internal and extremely personal dilemma for me that likely only a few years of therapy could begin to address, but whatever, it’s Friday and it’s almost quittin’ time, so you know, surfing the interwebs, but I digress.

    First, a little about me before I offer you some sage advice: I am a 36 year old somewhat single lady, as in I am dating, but not living with a fella, and not married, but not opposed to the idea, and so likely fit the profile of the gals that you were referring to in that post of yours. I think what might be going in here is that you have yourself a whopping, flaming, incurable case of misogyny! Holy fuck, just glancing through your post, and the number of times you refer to women as “stupid”, “idiotic fucking bitches, “dumbasses,” “bitches,”….no fucking wonder you are single if you are such a hater. Here’s a secret: No one owes you fucking anything. You clearly feel some sense of entitlement, and you have all this anger directed at women you haven’t even fucking met, simply because they are not interested in you.That is some dysfunctional shit right there. But if you actually, in your brains, believe that women, a whole category of them, are “bitches,” then you have a huge problem on your hands, because you will never be able to meet a self-assured, emotionally healthy grown-up lady if you are deep-down woman-hater who thinks that he is somehow OWED a woman’s attentions just because you are on a fucking dating site. Jesus. Get over thyself. Maybe this will help you figure out where all that deep-seated lady-hating is coming from: http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women.html

    Hope that was helpful!

    Love,
    Beegirl xo

    • alaskan454 says:

      Thanks for your visit and your input. I truly appreciate your feedback. I think of myself as a nice guy, and there are a handful of folks who agree – even a couple exes. I’m just frustrated as hell about what I see as lack of common courtesy, specifically the choice to ignore someone instead of five seconds to say, “No, thanks”. My level of frustration has risen with each occurrence, until it reached what you read.

      As soon as I finish this comment, I’ll be responding to the e-mail that you gave when posting your comment. If you gave a fictitious e-mail address, or do not reply, I’ll come back here and comment, and we’ll discuss it here. Or, if you’d simply prefer to have this conversation publicly, let me know. I’m OK with that, too.

  4. Bea says:

    Sorry for my brevity before, I was in a rush to get out of the office. I thought I should mention one more thing: The fella I am dating is 41, like you. He’ll be 42 soon. He is 5″8, the same height as me. I am of the slender-yoga-vegetarian variety, and he is totally meat and potatoes. I hold multiple degrees; he has never gone to university. I make more money than he does. He has kids and an ex-wife and debt; I have none of that shit. And I totally dig him and don’t care about any of that, because HE FUCKING RESPECTS WOMEN. And not just his ma and his sister.And that is fucking hot.

    So, I dunno, maybe your profile oozes some weird Don Draper vibes that the ladies are picking up on. Send it on over this way to the Beehive, and I’ll pick it apart for you, but not tonight, because I am on my way out for a date with my pro-feminist, lady lovin’ man.

    Have a great weekend,
    Beegirl

    • alaskan454 says:

      E-mail incoming shortly. Please see my reply to your previous comment.

    • alaskan454 says:

      Beegirl,

      I just tried to send you an e-mail, but it got returned as undeliverable, twice. I appreciate your offer to critique my profile, and would love to take you up on said offer. Please comment again with an e-mail address that works, or let me know via comment here if you want to do so publicly. If I don’t hear back from you, I’ll assume that your offer is withdrawn.

      Hope you had a great date tonight.

  5. Bea says:

    Hey, thanks, it was all right. I just tried to log into my Beegirl account, and got blocked because password issues, etc., and whatever; I could start a new email account with a handle, but I’ve had some wine, so let’s just do this balls out (also, this is Brand New, this commenting on complete stranger’s daily lives, so, good times! I feel I should also be honest by admitting that the whole reason why I ended up in this in this dark internet corridor was a procrastination tactic; I have a deadline that I am avoiding). Also, before you post, I have to caution you that I am definitely super left wing, Canadian even,and was HUGELY offended at your dropping of the N word when I creeped the “about” page, and we probably don’t see eye to eye on anything anyway, but what the fuck, I’d rather do anything than my thesis paper, so give’er. Let’s see that profile!

    • alaskan454 says:

      Bea,

      Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I worked last night, and had to do some work in the garden this morning after I got home. Before we get to the profile, I’d like to respond to some of the comments that you have made.

      I adore and deeply respect women. I tend to put them on pedestals, and refuse to believe the bad shit that they do until it is so obvious that I can no longer turn a blind eye. There is one lady, whom I have never met, but whom I adore and (although I have no right to) am very protective of. Not long ago, she was exposed to something that, although done by a close, trusted friend, and in a learning environment, I felt was inappropriate. She’s a strong woman, and does not need a protector. Even if she did, she has a husband of over twenty years who is much more capable than I. Even so, it pissed me off that such a thing was done, regardless of the circumstances. I expressed my displeasure, she assured me that she was fine, and I let it go. If I truly hated women, why would I give a shit what happened to some lady I’ve never met?

      I do not suffer fools of either gender. I do not have a very high tolerance for rudeness. I grew up being taught to wave to folks that we met along the road. OK, so I lived in the country, and there weren’t that many people to wave at, but I was taught that it was the polite and respectful thing to do. To not do so was rude and stuck up.

      In my universe, it says volumes about a person who joins a dating website, but refuses to reply to those who contact them. I never claimed to be /entitled/ to a response, even when one is promised or guaranteed by the lady writing the profile. I am, however, entitled to interpret their actions (or lack thereof), judge them accordingly, and express my opinion/frustration on my blog.

      Someone who refuses to even acknowledge the time and effort that another human being spent in an attempt to gain their interest is rude, selfish, lazy, inconsiderate, stuck up, or some combination of all the above. I also have an affinity for profanity, so, I’ll also include such names as butch, cunt, or whatever.

      Honestly, I don’t give a shit if they aren’t interested. Most won’t be, and I’m OK with that. Being ignored equals rejection. It is the sheer lack of respect, and/or laziness that pisses me off.

      I do not believe that all, or even a majority of women are bitches, or anything similarly derogatory. However, the universal pedestal is getting lower and lower. Yes, I’m pissed off. More than that, though, I am shocked and disappointed. Like the first time I heard my mother swear. This blog post was my way of expressing my frustration and disappointment.

      OK, enough crap from me, here is the “about me” part of my profile. I won’t get into the interests that I selected, or any of the other multiple choice crap.

      I’m kind, caring and affectionate. I’m honest, to a fault. I’m protective of those who are important to me.
      I am a simple man. All I need are a comfortable home, food, and basic life conveniences. I have all this. I am only missing that special someone with whom I can share my simple, perhaps boring life. For the record, boring is underrated. 🙂

      I like to cuddle on the sofa watching TV or a DVD. I also enjoy playing board/card games, working in my garden, walking in a park, or going target shooting.

      I try not to rush into a relationship, but I’m definitely not into casual hookups or friends-with-benefits arrangements.

      I’m not big on social events. Parties and clubs are outside of my comfort zone, but I do enjoy an occasional concert or show.

      What I offer is a heart full of love, and all the attention and affection you can handle.

      I hope to find an available, white, heterosexual female who is interested in a serious, monogamous relationship. No smokers, please.

      Thank you for taking the time to read my profile. I hope to hear from you soon.

      OK, that’s it. Comments?

  6. Erin Palette says:

    For the record, it’s not misogynistic to be annoyed at women who don’t display common courtesy, because I feel that way most of the time.

    If anything, you’re a misathrope, because you hate everyone equally, regardless of race, religion or gender. 😉

    • alaskan454 says:

      Thanks for the support, Erin. Coming from you in particular, it means a lot.

      I wouldn’t say that I hate equally. There are some categories of folks, not necessarily based on based on race, religion or gender, but also not necessarily exclusive of those factors, that I do have a bit more contempt for than I do for the public in general. 🙂

  7. Jin chiang says:

    Hmmm… Nothing in your profile strikes me as out of the ordinary. Really curious and waiting for the critique from Bea, a feminine perspective.

    • alaskan454 says:

      Thank you. I didn’t think it came across as creepy or particularly unappealing, and neither did any of those that I asked for critiques.

      I am also interested to see what Bea has to say. I guess she decided to do her thesis or whatever else it was that she was avoiding, or is otherwise busy enjoying her weekend. I do hope she shows back up here long enough to share her opinion, though.

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