My Inner Hermit, and Women

I’ve mentioned in the past that I’m the reclusive sort.  I really, really don’t like people, and would prefer to stay away from society completely.  I want to be left alone, and would really like it if people would mind their own damn business.  You know this already.  You’ve read my rants.

Sometimes, it surprises me just how bad I am.  I don’t even like to walk the fifty feet to the mailbox during the day.  The starter on my truck stayed broken for months, until it finally warmed up enough that I could comfortably investigate it with a light in the pre-dawn hours.  It went without investigation because the truck was parked in the driveway, and I didn’t want to go out there where I may have to interact with my neighbors.

When it is grass-cutting season, I slog through wet grass first thing in the morning to get the front and sides done before most people are out and about.  I can do the back later in the day, since fewer people can see me back there, and as a result, there is a higher probability that I will be able to do what needs to be done without having to interact with anyone.  I really miss my robot.

I have a healthy sense of paranoia, in that I recognize that there are evil people out there, and I should be prepared to defend myself in case one or more of them target me.  However, I’m not afraid of people.  I just don’t want to be around them.  And I really, really don’t want to interact with them.

I’m socially awkward from lack of practice, but I don’t see that as a problem, except when I have to go find a new victim girlfriend, as I am currently attempting.

I have a problem with women.  Yeah, I know, but that’s not the problem I’m talking about.

I have the urge for a romantic relationship with someone of the female persuasion, but I don’t know how to go about developing said relationship.  I see women as almost god-like.  I am living proof that women can be liars, cheaters, thieves, and as deceptive, manipulative, and generally bad as men, if not worse.  I still put them on a pedestal, and can’t bring myself to believe what is right in front of my face.  Academically, I know the truth, but I can’t make myself act accordingly.

Because of this, I make a complete fool of myself around women.  I buy whatever bullshit they are selling, and will hand over my balls in a jar without hesitation in an attempt to win their favor.  I’m too stupid to know how to do things differently.

With everything in my life, it is all or nothing.  I put up walls because if I let people in, I let them all the way in, and later, I pay with pain and regret.

I used to have a long list of characteristics that I wanted in a mate.  I won’t bore you with a list, but let’s say that most of the things on this list were influenced by my religiously conservative upbringing.  After each subsequent failure, I marked more and more things off of this list.  Now, I’m pretty much down to pulse, ownership of disease-free female genitalia, and openness to the possibility of occasionally sharing said genitalia with me at some point in the future.

I have no idea how to find someone.  If I go out somewhere, I will meet others who like to go out.  I’ve tried to reconnect with women I knew earlier in my life.  Without success.  As you now know from my “Dating Report” post, I’m now giving match.com a try.

It’s still early in the game, but so far, it’s been full of disappointment.  So many women on there want men who are taller then they are, in other words, a lot taller than me.  Or they want a man who earns at least $XX+K per year, and since I’m in the lowest bracket, I don’t qualify.  Some want a man who has at least a Bachelors Degree.  My military technical training is generally accepted as the equivalent of an Associates Degree, but I don’t even have that piece of paperwork. Others list their political views as “liberal” and somehow I don’t think there is any of my outlook on life that would mesh with such a person.

I’m all for people wanting what they want, and not settling for less.  However, I think that some people are in desperate need of a hit in the head from the Reality Bat.  Mr. (or Miss) Perfect does not exist.  Be realistic.  As an example, here is one lady’s “about me”:

So I’m coming toward the end of my six months with match and am frustrated. When I look at my daily matches most of them aren’t looking for someone my age, or there is some other obvious incompatibility. And after a couple months I’m getting a lot of repeats.

I’m a runner and would like to date a runner, or at least someone who is fairly fit.
I live in Raleigh and would like to date someone who lives in Raleigh.
I like to drink good beer and would like to date someone who likes to drink good beer.
I have two large dogs and would like to date someone who has or is OK with dogs.

I also garden and cook, but that’s it in a nutshell.

Ugh, I give up.

Her expectations seem reasonable enough at face value.  Until you consider that lacking any one is a deal-breaker for her.  Then, looking closer at her profile and what she wants in a man, you find some sources of the possible “other obvious incompatibility” that she mentioned.  She’s 5’3″, but wants a man who is at least 5’8″.  She wants a man who makes at least $35K per year.  She wants a man who has at least a Bachelors Degree.  She’s 45, but the age range for her match is 38-48.  And she’s a liberal atheist.  Add it all up, and assuming any deficiency is a deal-breaker, and I can understand why she hasn’t found anyone.

I’d absolutely love find someone who is 31-36, 5’3″ or shorter (so I can be taller than her), who looks like a slightly chubby Ashley Judd or Sandra Bullock (I like women a little thicker than society says is ideal) but with long natural red hair, never married, has no kids and doesn’t want any, doesn’t smoke, loves shooting and hates people as much as I do, and it every bit as much of a constitutionalist and libertarian (small “l”) as me.  Independently wealthy would be a big plus.

However, I’m not stupid enough to think that such a person even exists, and if she did, I’d have a much better chance of winning the lottery ten times in a row and being elected president of the US this year, than of getting her to even notice me once.

So, in addition to contacting those I find interesting and attractive, I also contact ladies that are either not so pretty, not exactly height:weight proportional, several years older than me, sound desperate, or all of the above.  Based on initial data, it would appear that even old, fat, ugly, desperate-seeming women are really just as picky as the rest of the distaff side of the species.  That, or I’m a major-league freak.

I’m OK with that, though.  Better to be alone than with someone with standards so high that I could never be good enough.  Been there, done that, and was miserable.  I like me, and although I have a strong urge for an intimate relationship, I don’t absolutely have to have one.  Hell, if match doesn’t work, I’ll probably stop actively trying.  If I meet someone, great.  If not, it’s not exactly the end of the world.

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15 Responses to My Inner Hermit, and Women

  1. lpcard says:

    “Now, I’m pretty much down to pulse, ownership of disease-free female genitalia, and openness to the possibility of occasionally sharing said genitalia with me at some point in the future.”

    Is it wrong that I found that to be high-larious?

    • alaskan454 says:

      Absolutely not. I meant for it to be funny. It’s a little bit pathetic, in that I’m talking about myself, but I can laugh at myself. Thanks for the visit and comment.

  2. Alex B says:

    “Now, I’m pretty much down to pulse, ownership of disease-free female genitalia, and openness to the possibility of occasionally sharing said genitalia with me at some point in the future.”

    Quote of the day right there.

  3. Craig says:

    Welcome to the “major league” old friend. I do admire your tenacity though.

  4. Rick says:

    Well if you feel the need to reduce your list any further and remove the “pulse” option – you may need to seek more professional help. 🙂

    Never give up dude. Remember that many successful Alaskan gold miners struck it rich by taking over the dig of another miner that quit just feet from the mother lode. True – others did the same thing and still struck out. You just never know. Keep the faith.

  5. akgrrrl says:

    I met my hubby on…(Don’t laugh) lol..well go head..I met him on Famers Only site. It’s people that are interested in gardening, farming and/or Not being around a lot of people. It worked for us…just thought I’d throw that out there for you:)

    • alaskan454 says:

      Thank you. That’s certainly encouraging. It worked for you, why couldn’t match.com work for me?

      • Akgrrrl says:

        Well, maybe God has a different plan for you. Maybe something much more better then you think:) Try different sites. Farmers Only was different from other sites I looked at. Different people too, people who were like minded. Don’t give up!

      • alaskan454 says:

        Well, I wish He’d give me a hint, or hurry up and put the plan in motion. 🙂

        I’m too stubborn to give up completely. I’ll get frustrated, mildly depressed, angry, and then I jump right back in again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

        I set up a profile on Farmers Only, and looked around a little. There aren’t very many ladies near me, but it only takes one, right?

  6. Bob says:

    I placed the following personal ad on Craigslist awhile ago. I received 4 responses. One said she loved my sense of humor. I didn’t respond to her, what sense of humor? Maybe I’m just unlovable.

    “Okay, I beat my drug problem years ago, my alcoholism and the drug testing at work has kept me clean. I’m a middle aged guy, well actually I probably don’t have that much longer to live with the smoking and liver issues, so let’s just call me a currently living guy. I am hoping to spend my twilight years (should last another couple of years) with a caring,loving woman.
    I love to surf the internet and avoid all human contact. My company just decided I’m no longer “an employee we wish to retain during our current reorganization”, so I would like to find a woman with a good career and income to keep me in beer. She should have no children as my high school dropout offspring will fill that void in her life.
    As my previous wives will attest, I am worthless and undeserving of their love. So, my past relationships will never endanger the prospects for our future. The kids will quickly learn to call you “Mom” and give the same precarious joy of life they have given me. Calls from the county jail at 3am will become commonplace and no means for alarm. The antics of those little rascals will delight and entertain you. Why have your own children when you can disown mine?
    I’m a bit selfish, but so long as you cater to my needs that should not be an issue. If marriage should loom in our horizon, I think that as a sign of your love, you might want to consider having “Welcome” tattooed on your forehead.
    I know the right woman will come forward and accept the gift that is ME. The rest of you can rot with the other festering sores called “woman” that have destroyed my life.
    I am looking forward to hearing from the love of my life soon.”

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