Drunk Blogging

You might want to skip reading this.  It will be nothing more than a drunken pity partyan alcohol fueled whine festthe drunken rantings of a loser whose fourth wife just left him, inebriated ramblings of a fool.

I dropped off Wifey and The Boy at the airport this morning.  As of now, they are in Philadelphia, boarding their flight to Frankfurt, Germany.  From there, they will board their final flight to UnnamedCityinEasternEurope.

We had a bit of a talk last night and this morning before we left the house.  Nothing changed, but we did talk.  We hadn’t done much of that in a while.  At the airport, she was in tears, alternating between “Thank you” and “Please forgive me”.

One beer empty.

I waited until their flight had closed, and then returned home.  Within a few miles of the airport, I took my ring off.  Why keep wearing it?  She’s gone.  She made her choice.  Painful for her or not, she decided that she couldn’t stay with me.

On the way, I picked up three 6-packs of Smirnoff Ice Green Apple.  Why the fuck is this shit so hard to find? Walmart has stopped carrying it, as has the regional grocery chain.  The only place I can still find it is at Food Lion.

Wally World and other places carry the original (barely palatable) and the weird flavors that taste worse than some of the chemicals that I worked with in the semiconductor manufacturing industry smelled.  I’m serious.  The Grape and Cherry Lime smell like solvents used in photolithography.  Don’t get me started on Pineapple or any of the other “flavors”.  Smirnoff Green Apple and Seagrams wine coolers are all I can stand to drink.

Yeah, I know that they are girly drinks.  Fuck you.  I hate alcohol, but occasionally, like today, I need to get drunk.  I’m too much of a wimp to drink the hard stuff, and regular beer tastes like I would imagine horse piss to taste.

Second Smirnoff empty.

Anyway, after I brought the adult beverages home and put them in the refrigerator, I proceeded to the local Chinese buffet.  The one where Wifey and I went after we said our “I do’s”.  Honestly, I didn’t think about that part until just now.  I like Chinese buffets, and the one near the airport that I absolutely loved is now out of business.  This one is my second (now first) choice.

I ate until it hurt.  Have I ever mentioned that I eat when something is bothering me? Well, today I ate.  And ate.  And ate some more.  Then I came home and started drinking.  You know the rest.

Back to Wifey.  Yeah, this is a tribute to that particular colossal failure.  My feelings are mixed.  First the positives.

I no longer have to worry about providing for a wife and son.  The only person I have to worry about now is me.  And I can survive.

If I need to piss in the middle of the day (which is when I sleep – haven’t you been paying attention?) I don’t have to put on a robe before stumbling to the bathroom.  If Roomie is out and about, it’s no big deal.  She’s seen it before, and is not interested.  And if she doesn’t like it, she can kiss my ass.  Or move the fuck out.  Or both.

Beer #3 done.  Hey, I just noticed something.  This shit is called “Green Apple Bite“. I don’t remember noticing the “bite” part before.

Hey, do y’all remember Restless Heart?  I just finished listening to “Fast Movin’ Train”. At full volume.  Good song.

Back to the good things about Wifey’s departure.

Now I can spend my money on myself instead of someone else.  Who the hell am I trying to bullshit?!?  I won’t spend it on myself.  Hell, I seldom even shoot, despite enjoying it.  I can’t afford to waste ammo on “fun”.  TEOTWAWKI is coming, and I’m going to need all the ammo I have and then some.  And so it goes with pretty much everything.

Hell, I was thinking about getting back in to flying when I thought that they had denied her visa a few months back, but decided not to “waste” the money on it.  I’ve had my Private ticket since 1989, but haven’t been current since 2000.  Prolly a wise decision, since the fucking assholes at the consulate were just yanking on her chain, trying for a reaction before finally issuing the visa.

Just checked the flight status.  Wifey and The Boy are in the air somewhere over the Atlantic at the moment.

And George Strait rocks “Adalida”.

OK, to the regrets.

I regret that I didn’t get to take The Boy shooting more.  We went once, and it ended very prematurely.  Multiple rules were broken, and a bad day was had.  And that’s all the details I’m going to share.  To say the least, Wifey went from interested to terrified, which contributed to the lack of opportunities to return to the range.

Ice #4 empty.

I regret that our short time together couldn’t have been like our first several weeks. Before she got to thinking about her upcoming decision, life was good.  We were happy together.  I was happy.  We had talks.  We enjoyed each others’ company.  We cuddled. We even had sex.  Five times, anyway.  And it was awesome.  Most compatible, best lover, ever.  Not that I have all that much experience.  I don’t generally kiss and tell, but everyone has been warned, and nobody is really reading this anyway.

For the last six weeks, she was too preoccupied about her decision to enjoy anything. When we would sit together, her attention was robotic.  She may as well have been a million miles away.  That’s when I told her that I was giving her space to make her decision, and faded into the background, waiting for her to make the next move. Which she didn’t do until last Friday, when she told me that she had decided to go home.

Dammit, this keyboard isn’t working worth a shit.  It keeps misspelling words.  No way it is the operator.  I ain’t drunk yet.  Unfortunately.

#5 empty.  “We Built This City” is a stupid song, but it has a nice beat.

I regret that I wasn’t able to talk her into moving The Boy into my room, allowing me to occupy she same room with her.  This alone eliminated probably 90% of our intimate opportunities. Which really fucking sucks.  Because she is awesome, and beautiful, and I was able to get the job done, which was a pleasant change from previous encounters.

Elton John might be queer as a three dollar bill, but dude has some serious pipes. Candle in the Wind playing now.

Did I mention that I am currently in serious violation of state law?  Yeah.  I have a gun in my possession, and I am under the influence of alcohol.  Fuck ’em.  I ain’t leaving the house, and I ain’t gonna finger it (I’m not completely stupid) unless some stupid fuck decides to invite themselves into my home.  If that happens, may God make my aim true.  I damn sure ain’t got the coordination to do it on my own.

Y’all have to check out Celtic Woman.  This group of beautiful Irish women sing like angels.  And they are absolutely gorgeous.  O America now playing on Rythmbox.  Yes, I play music when I find myself in a bad place.  It helps.

Beer #6 (I think) empty.  Going for a refill.  My stomach is trying to stage a rebellion, but tough shit.  I’m still conscious, so I’m still drinking.  Even if I can’t type for shit. Bruce’s sax player is pretty good.  Darlington County.

Back on point.  I regret that I was unable to take her to the one place in America that she wanted to see.  The Statute of Liberty.  I had made reservations to stay at the Manhattan Club and had bought admission to the Statute, Empire State Building and a couple other NYC (fucking yankees, SPIT!) attractions for 08 March (International Womans Day, that is pretty much as big as Valentines Day in the former Soviet Union), but alas, she will not be here.

Since the money has already been spent, and is non-refundable, Roomie has agreed to accompany me so that the money won’t be completely wasted.  I don’t want to go.  I fucking HATE New York City, and I was just going because it was the one place that she said she would like to go.  She’s not into travel like Roomie, but the SoL is the symbol of America to those from other countries, and she wanted to see it in person. Fucking shame she had to go home.

To hell with this.  I haven’t been able think even remotely clearly for several beers.  I’ll publish this and watch some videos or something.  Hopefully, I’ll be back to normal in a day or so.  As for tonight, I have more beer to drink.

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11 Responses to Drunk Blogging

  1. Craig says:

    Don’t surrender to the demons. Be strong and keep looking UP. Just know a prayer goes up for you tonight, my friend.

  2. Erin Palette says:

    People are selfish cunts (yes, even the men). Just accept that as a fact of life and move on.

    If it’s any consolation, think of how she’s going to regret this in the very near future, and how there is jack shit she can do about it, because she’s made her choice and too fucking bad that it was the wrong one.

    • alaskan454 says:

      I tend to agree with your “selfish cunt” evaluation – for most of the people I’ve ever met. Then again, it’s no secret that I have a low opinion of people in general.

      Part of me really wants her to regret her decision. I don’t know if it is male ego, or what. Another part of me wants her to be happy, even if that is somewhere that is not with me. I’m torn. And still a bit buzzed, which is probably affecting my thought process a bit.

      Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment, Erin.

      • Erin Palette says:

        No problem. I appreciate anyone who can say “fuck” properly.

        And I am 100% with you on the wanting to hate, yet wanting her to be happy. I have an ex like that. I don’t think it’s male ego; I think it’s more a case of, having been hurt in a very deep and intimate way, we want those who have betrayed and wronged us to suffer in a similar manner. It’s a very human thing to want reciprocity.

      • alaskan454 says:

        Am I to assume from your statement that my use of “fuck” at least somewhat meets with your approval?

        I can’t be mad at her or hate her. She can’t help it that her homesickness was stronger than her desire to be with me. I think that she could/should have sucked it up at least long enough to get through the immigration process, thereby keeping the door open for future changes of heart. However, I’m not her, and I can’t know exactly what she was feeling and how she came to her decision.

  3. mortalis09 says:

    I hearya Grumpy Bastard, The one time i have intentianlly (yea i know i spelled that wrong but you’ll get the point lol) gotten shitfaced drunk was when my first fiance (yea i’ve been around the block too) backed out of the engagement using her parents wishes as the excuse (wtf she was 28 years old and a navy vet going to med school)

    I Think Erin makes some good points but all you can do is push on and say fuck-it since it is not something you can control – you’ll either hate her, love her, resent her, or all of the above and not much you can do about that unfortunately other than let time pass.

    In any case good luck and i hope things get better, well as much as they can with you planning on going to that hell hole they call the big apple (rotten apple maybe)

  4. Akgrrrl says:

    Aww “hugs”, you will get through this. Try not to have so many regrets, everything happens for a reason. We’ll be praying for you. Something better will come your way.:)

    • alaskan454 says:

      Thanks so much.

      ~returns hugs a little too enthusiastically~

      I appreciate your prayers. I’m pretty sure I need to be alone, though. I keep taking that leap, and I keep crashing into the rocks. I’m old, and I’m tired of the pain. I’d managed to reach a level of contentedness (as opposed to happiness) before this last attempt, and perhaps I should just settle for content. Beats the hell out of unhappy, that’s for sure.

  5. Craig says:

    Hey Grump,
    You know me well so I will impart my “living alone” wisdom on ya. First, I have always lived alone and relatively unattached. Living alone is not a bad thing. Since you have this propensity to dislike ignorant bipeds as do I, living alone is easy. As long as you can find peace and contentment in that state it’s worth it. My house is quiet. It’s all mine, I don’t have to please anyone, no one telling me what or what I should not be doing and best of all the remote is where I left it! (as long as I remember)
    Dogs. As you know I have 2 now and they are awesome to have around. Minimal care, food and water twice a day and lots of ear scritches. They appreciate you unconditionally and best of all they are still happy to see you when you get home from work….. even if you forgot to feed them in the morning. Try shoving a wife in a cage for 9 hours and see if she’s happy to see you when you get home. ha.
    Hang in there, pal. This too will pass.

    • alaskan454 says:

      Thanks for the encouragement.

      “Try shoving a wife in a cage for 9 hours and see if she’s happy to see you when you get home.”

      Love that line.

      I’m not sure what direction my life is going to take. For now, I’m not going to make any significant changes. I’m set up pretty well here, and the house is big enough for Roomie and I both to have our privacy, in the event that we get on each others nerves. I’ll re-evaluate later in the year, either summer or after harvest.

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