People, revisited

Warning:  This post is going to offend some folks.  You know what?  I don’t give a shit. If I write long enough, I’ll eventually offend everyone.   I refer you to my very first post, particularly the last sentence.

Recently, I wrote a couple somewhat related posts about people.  In one, I talked about how I don’t like them, want to stay the hell away from them and vice versa.   In the other, I talked about how my recent experience with the kind folks I’ve met via this blog have me questioning whether or not I should maintain that policy.  These posts prompted a lengthy offline conversation with my sister, and generated several comments.

At first, I was going to just reply to the comments with some additional remarks. Then, I got to thinking (dangerous, me doing that) and decided that there is enough rattling around in my brain on the subject for another post.  So, here we go.

skidmark commented:

If you don’t “don’t like people”: then there is something significantly wrong with you. I absolutely abhor people; there are a small number of persons that I actually like …

I couldn’t agree more.   He then presents a very valid question:

So why have you gone and knotted up your panties for being both smart enough and honest enough to say you don’t like people?

Damn, skid, you certainly tell it like it is. I reckon I was doing that self-psycho-analysis bullshit thing.

Do I only think that I don’t like people? Why do I…  Nevermind. I’m giving myself a fucking headache just thinking about it.

But, unfortunately, I keep thinking about it.  I know that the “why” doesn’t matter, but it still bugs the shit out of me.

AKGRRRL commented:

I wouldn’t say I dislike people, I’d say I distrust them. I think “hate” or “evil” are strong words. My view of evil people are serial killers, rapists or child molesters.

Hate and evil are absolutely strong words. If I could have thought of stronger ones, I’d have used them.  I mean no offense by this statement.  I understand your point, I think that I just look at it a little differently .  Those you view as evil are not even human in my eyes.  They are worse than a rabid dog, and should be put down just as quickly.

She continued:

I view most people first at surface value. Most want something from you or as I call them sponges. But, when you come across someone who wants nothing from you and actually offers something without nothing in return, that’s rare, for me anyway. That’s how I pick and choose who I let close. That is why I admire A Girl and Her Gun, she has offered her experiences, her heart, and expected nothing in return. Yet she has gained so much knowledge from people who are just like her 🙂 I believe what comes around goes around. And water finds it’s own level, I believe this is how we have all come to meet ( Internet wise ).

It is human nature to reach out most often when there is a benefit to be had, and exceedingly rare to offer something with no expectations.  A Girl is a rare individual. I’m as guilty as any, and probably guiltier than most.

I’ll let life get in the way and not talk to someone for months, until I need something.  Then, and only then, do I pick up the phone.  Hell, I even do the same thing in relationships closer to home.  I tried my best to take care of Wifey’s needs, including financially supporting her adult son during his last semester of college, and some expensive dental work for her and The Boy.  Although I asked for nothing in return, I did have expectations.  Those expectations did not come to fruition, and obviously, I’m not happy about it.

It happens to me regularly.  I heard from an acquaintance earlier this week for the first time in months.  He bought a new rifle and wanted to know if/when I could meet him at the range so he could zero it.  I won’t hear from him any more until the next time he wants to shoot.  Seeing as how I hate intensely dislike people, and can only deal with them in small doses for short periods of time, this suits me fine.

While chatting with my sister on the subject, I learned that my father always said he would trust ANYBODY until they betrayed him and then he would never trust that person again. I am too much like Pop.  I trust way too easily.  Not only that, but I’m a piss-poor judge of character.  As a result, I’ve gotten burnt more times than I have fingers and toes.

It is easy for me to hate en masse, but very difficult to believe that individuals, once I have met them and feel that I know them, would betray me – despite having a wealth of life experience to the contrary.

People are idiots, and not even useful ones.  I am ashamed to be considered a part of the same herd.  I’m not a herd person, and definitely not a member of that herd.  If I’m wrong, shoot me now, and make sure it’s a good, clean shot.

After Wife2.0 left me, I found myself several thousand miles from everyone I knew who wasn’t part of her family or circle of friends.  Because of my job and reserve military obligation, I couldn’t just up and move.  This was during the infant stages of the internet.

In addition to porn, I found the online presence of a group of folks claiming to be what is generally regarded as the oldest hate group in the country.  Several early negative life experiences with folks of color, plus (mostly) the fact that Wife2.0 left me for a 350-pound drug-addicted Mexican Indian led me in this direction.

I attended a meeting or ten.  They presented their agenda as one of political activism, and limited to legal activities.  You know, getting affirmative action stuff off the books, etc.  That was the party line.  I quickly learned that the “I hate niggers”, “I hate jooz”, “I hate (fill in the blank)” attitudes that one normally associates with said organization were all too present, and there was little in the way of actual political activity.  For the record, I never observed, or was ask to participate in anything illegal.

I quickly understood that I did indeed hate all the aforementioned groups.  A little more slowly, I learned that I also hate the ignorant, white trash assholes who claimed to be smarter/better than the niggers, whom we belittled and ridiculed for their laziness and tendency towards creating welfare babies just to get more money from the guvmint. Our tax money!

Except that I was one of few who actually had a job and paid taxes.  Those who didn’t blamed it on the dirty messkins who steal White folk’s jobs because they are willing to work for two bucks a day and live in houses with thirty people to a room.  Or some other convenient excuse or scapegoat.  Many had spent time in prison.  Almost none wanted to take any personal responsibility for their current station in life, much less try to improve.

I stuck around for a while.  I tried to help these folks, and got burnt by some of them. They were supposed to be my racial brothers.  Honor is more important than life.  Yeah, well, maybe at one time, but these ignorant fucks had no understanding of the concept of honor.  Eventually, I got tired of beating my head against a wall, and I walked away.

By that time, I understood that the only group of people I really hated was the entire fucking lot of them.  People, that is.  Sure, I have a particular distaste for those who are here illegally. And my life experiences have taught me that I am much more likely to suffer at the hands of folks of certain ethnicities or religions than others (9/11 ring any bells?), and as a result I am particularly reluctant to trust any who fall into those categories. Racist?  Probably. Do I give a shit?  Oh, hell no.

Not sure why I went there in this post, but I did.  Oh, well.

Back to me and people.

Despite getting the “hermit” gene embedded deeply into my DNA, my extra-strength aversion to humanity is probably a defense mechanism.  I want to be a nice guy. I want people to like me. But after being bitten in the ass by life so many times, I guess subconsciously, I’ve become the asshole who hates everybody.

And the crazy sonofabitch carries a gun, so you probably should give him a wide berth.

I carry when I shop, so unless it is cool enough to require a jacket (that unintentionally doubles as a cover garment), Mr. Ruger Alaskan is out for the whole world to see.  If I’m in a hurry or just not in the mood to listen to any bullshit, I may be a bit more discrete, but daily open carry, everywhere, is my default setting.

A co-worker ran into me at a local restaurant one day, and confirmed for everyone that I do carry.  Everywhere.  Chinese buffet?  Armed.  And nary a shot fired over the General Tso’s chicken.

Although I, of course, vehemently deny having ever done so, many of my co-workers suspect that I carry while on the clock.  I was talking to one of the guys who was hired on at the same time I was.  He, like most there, knows that I carry a gun most of the time.  I don’t remember what we were talking about that prompted it, but the following comment from him had me giggling like a schoolgirl for at least ten minutes:

Hell, you even got some of the White folks scared of you.  

Works for me.

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3 Responses to People, revisited

  1. Akgrrrl says:

    I don’t know, it all sounds fine to me. I can totally relate, even had some similar experiences. I wasn’t offended:)

  2. Craig says:

    Good stuff…. and I think I am the “Angry Recluse.” yeah, right! LOL.

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