On Profanity

Almost everyone who is reading this found me thanks to A Girl and Her Gun‘s post in which she complimented my use of profanity.  As much as it probably disappoints my mother, who did raise me a whole heap better than that, I have developed the habit of utilizing some of the less-cultured words in the English language.

Some say that the use of profanity is the sign of a weak mind.  They might be right.  I’m from poor, country, (backwoods, hillbilly, redneck – whatever you want to call it) farm stock.  We weren’t the best-educated folks around, but we were far from ignorant. I slept throughout school, yet was identified in elementary school as potentially gifted.  They gave me IQ tests on at least two different occasions.  Both times I scored in the 160’s.

Let me be the first to call bullshit.  These tests are based on what one is expected to know at a certain age.  I have two older sisters who took it upon themselves to spoil me.  I knew both printing and cursive, and could read well before I ever set foot in school.  Hell, I even knew how to write a check.

Why would a five-year old every want to learn how to write a check?

I grew up on a farm.  There was a lot of stuff sitting around.  I liked to play yard sale, but didn’t have any money, even fake money, to play with.  I’d seen Mom writing checks to pay bills before, so I asked my sisters to make some blank ones and teach me how to fill one out.  They happily did so, until I kept asking for more blank ones every five minutes.

Like I said.  Bullshit.  I wasn’t gifted, I just knew more shit than the average first or fifth grader was supposed to know.  This inaccurately inflated my results.

Back to my use of profanity.  My family was very religious, almost fanatically so.  A whole list of stuff would send you to hell, not the least of which was cussing.  So, like every child who has ever been told not to do something, I did it.  And, as is my custom with most things, I over-did it.

I don’t remember ever getting caught, though.  Having one’s mouth washed out with soap (the customary punishment, along with a standard ass-whipping) didn’t look very pleasant when I saw it done to others, so I decided that it would be in my best interests if I didn’t get caught.

My point is this.  Although I’m far from Mensa material, I’m not a complete ignoramus.  I have this habit of using low-brow words.  I will continue to use them to my heart’s content.  I’m certain to end up in hell anyway, so why bother, right?

Although I did manage to write a whole post a couple days ago without saying fuck a single time.

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11 Responses to On Profanity

  1. nancykrainz says:

    Being one of those “older sister’s” you mentioned, spoiling you as a child gave us the lifelong right to slap you silly once you reached adulthood, should you deserve same. A good slapping is also an effective way of giving someone a reality check. Some of your recent posts would indicate the possible need for an intervention on your behalf, ie good slapping. You ARE smart (wouldn’t call you a genius lol), you ARE a great guy, and, you ARE still my adorable little brother. Now quit yer cussin’!

    • alaskan454 says:

      Thanks for introducing yourself, Sis! You owe me a couple slaps next time we see each other, and I’ll try to take ’em with grace.

      Oh, for the record, I never claimed genius status. I think 180 is the minimum for that. Bullshitting (sorry, I reckon that deserves another slap) my way to a 164 in elementary school doesn’t even qualify me as smart, as my performance in life has aptly and repeatedly demonstrated.

      Oh, and I’m NOT a great guy, and haven’t been adorable since, well, ever. Thanks for saying otherwise, though.

  2. agirlandhergun says:

    Lol, see you wrote a post without saying, umm, that f-word and I wrote one where I said damn. We are rubbing off on each other:)

    Man, your sister is hilarious too!

    • alaskan454 says:

      I was going to comment on your “damn” but I decided to let it slide. For me, there are much worse people and things that could rub off. For you, well, I wouldn’t absorb too much of my corrupt nature and habits, if I were you.

      Yes, Sis is adorable and funny. Except when she’s kicking her brothers’ asses. Or maybe especially then.

      • agirlandhergun says:

        LOL, probably won’t happen again. I never really meant to mention my non cussing so much. I am not sure how I kept making it an issue…in my real life, I have never once declared the fact that I don’t cuss and I have cussed before, but nearly never. I don’t know why…I just don’t. If I say fricken my kids gasp:) Trust me when I say, no one, and I mean no one in my family follows my example(well, the young kids). I had not realized I said damn until someone told me and then I reread it. It was an emotional week for me, thank you for not saying anything. You are sweet to know, it wasn’t the right time.

      • alaskan454 says:

        You’re a sensitive and emotional (not in a bad way) lady, and you’re still not fully recovered from what you’ve been through. Whether you cuss or not is not the point. I’ll poke a stick at everybody at some point, but I always mean it in fun. I knew that jabbing you at that time wouldn’t have been appropriate.

  3. Critter says:

    merde! perdition! copulation!

  4. Al Cooper says:

    Another post I like and can relate to!
    To me what is going on in D.C. is profanity.
    Many of them need your sisters “attention”.
    (I would be willing to contribute to her travel expenses)

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