My third ex-wife

is also my room-mate.  You’d think we were still married from the shit she directs my way.  She constantly bitches at me about something.  She makes fun of me because I play Frontierville as a way to relax and pass the time.  Men who play video games are “low” in her opinion.

Yesterday there were a few grass clippings near the door that I guess I had tracked in at some point.  She made a big deal about pointing it out to me and insisted that I clean it up.

This morning she insisted that I put dust on the tomatoes because something is eating them up.  Although she appeared healthy to me, she was completely unable to do it herself.  Oh, and of course it had to be done right fucking now even though it is supposed to rain today.

When I expressed displeasure and shared the weather forecast, she completely blew up.  She informed me that the entire garden is now on me.  She will no longer lift a finger or make any suggestions or observations.  If it lives or dies, it is on me.

Despite the fact that she has started most of our garden inside, and a large majority is still inside.  She has done things her way, despite my ideas and suggestions to the contrary.  She has planted things so close together outside that I doubt it any of it will produce normally, and forget thinning.  Each plant is a life and deserves a chance to survive.

Honestly, I have no idea what she has planted where, or how many are in each compartment of the stuff that is still inside.  I asked her to at least see the stuff through until it went outside, and she refused.  She threatened to throw it all in the trash first.  Yeah, she threw a fit like I haven’t seen since elementary school.  All because I reacted negatively to her orders.

Or it could be because I told her yesterday that I think I’m finally not in love with her any more.  At the time, she said that was a good thing, since she hasn’t been in love with me for many years.  However, this morning when she got up (before the fight started), she asked if I still hated her.  At no point during the conversation yesterday did I ever even imply such a thing, yet her question was serious.

I don’t know what the fuck she wants from me.  She says that she rides me about stuff I do because she doesn’t want me to “let myself go” like so many men do after they lose a woman (according to her).  She still wants foot rubs, back rubs, cuddling, and all the other benefits that she enjoys from our married life.  In other words, I get all the responsibilities, nagging and bullshit from married life, all without the primary perk of marriage.

I’d move out, but I have nowhere to go that makes any kind of sense at all.  The house is owned free and clear, and my job is less than a mile away.  I’ve invested a lot of time and money making the property suit my needs as much as a 0.2 acre city lot can.

I love her as a friend.  She’s my best friend, in fact.  I’d miss her dearly if we parted ways.  I just wish she’d back the fuck off, or at least not resort to juvenile threats when things don’t go her way.

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